They Say I'm Crazy...
Now... it seems I have a lot of problems. My peers at school always find something wrong with the way I act and it is always painful to be myself. So I wonder am I unique because I am crazy or are these people envious of me?
Let's start with my jokes. I have found that by putting my thoughts into jokes people are less likely to make fun of my opinion. The less funny the joke; the normal it is. The funnier the joke; the more out of the ordinary it is. Which it seems that joking about myself gets me the most laughter.
I know a lot of things about the world, how there are deaths everyday, people who are worse off than me and whatever and it pisses me off at people who go about life wanting to ignore this. I talk about blood and death all the time and people always get freaked out. Inappropriate? Maybe. But I hear of it every day and these people need to stop being blind to it.
Another thing is my self-consciousness. I always know what Iâ€™m doing. I know when I am obsessing over things. I know when something is really bothering me. I can find the root of nagging problems with careful thought. Sometimes I know why I shy away from people. Sometimes itâ€™s the fear of rejection. Sometimes itâ€™s because I think they are below me. This canâ€™t be normal.
And my thought processes are always mentally masochistic. I have a desire to go through a lot of trouble so that when the next hardship arrives, I can sail right through it without too much pain. Iâ€™ve even taken liking to the idea of hurting my physical body to train myself, but I shy away because of the fear of accidental death.
Now to try to clarify my question, I am wondering if all these are simply habits of thinking or actual mental illnesses or disorders. Are my peers right that I am crazy? Or am I just different?
~Caring until I couldn't care any more