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Old December 5th, 2011, 04:11 AM  
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Amaryllis's Forum Picture
Name: Z
Join Date: June 27, 2011
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Blog Entries: 12
Default Re: i need an honest opinion

To be completely honest - it's highly unoriginal. You've written something that's already been written a hundred times before. That's the thing about... Generic teenage angsty poetry. Tons of kids go through it.

But hey, don't feel bad. I write like this when I'm not trying to be original or good. I generally don't criticise art, but you asked for it

If you want an example of original, mind-blowing poetry, I'd recommend reading Yazdegard's or embers' poetry. Yazdegard writes some pretty weird shiz and embers' is just like O: ifeelinferior.

I hate them both.

Try to be different man. Like, I don't know.

Today I sat on a tabletop,
Looking at a plate.
The pan sizzle-sizzle sizzle-popped.
Oil ate into my head.
A big black nose against my bottom
It's that damn chihuahua again.
A silver sharpy-slicey knife
Slices through my middle.
I'm picked and put on the griddle,
Where my body turns to coal.
Shrivelling shrivel shrivel pop.
I'm a fockin' carrot.

"Never test the depth of water with both feet." - Some dude whose name I cannot remember

Last edited by Amaryllis; December 5th, 2011 at 04:22 AM.
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