It's coming back again.
Iâ€™m feeling the urges again and they get stronger every day. Iâ€™m having a lot of stress from school, and I still havenâ€™t learned a healthy way to deal with it yet, and all I can think about is cutting or burning myself again. The more I think about it, the more it appeals to me, and the more I want to do it. Ever since I stopped, Iâ€™ve been feeling like a fake, like Iâ€™m not myself. And when I think about doing it again, I imagine myself feeling complete. I want to feel complete, and I want to feel real. And the only thing I can think of to make myself feel that is to hurt myself. I just donâ€™t know how to cope with the stress, and I donâ€™t know how to feel like Iâ€™m alive.
And I know that Iâ€™m asking for help here, sort of, but the sad part is, is that I donâ€™t want help. I know that I want to do it again, and I want to feel the pain. Itâ€™s all I want right now. Itâ€™s all that I can think of to do. What is wrong with me, why canâ€™t I just leave this all behind? Why is my mind always resorting back to this behavior?
I DO NOT GO ON HERE ANYMORE. I HAVE LEFT THIS PLACE FOR GOOD AND DON'T INTEND ON COMING BACK. PLEASE DON'T FRIEND REQUEST ME, PRIVATE MESSAGE ME, OR ANYTHING BECAUSE I WILL NEVER SEE IT AND YOU'LL NEVER GET A RESPONSE. THANK YOU.