well my depressive symptoms are not longer consistant. I have massive mood swings, sometimes five a day. Ill go from a regular me (in behaviour) only all pumped ready to tackle anything, i get alot done when im like this and am not easily fazed. Then apparently for no reason, i come crashing down into a childlike state. i roll around on the ground making stupid noises. Once i hit my sister in a shoping centre... shes 23. Like this i get very depressed and hard to motivate etc.
So all of this is what led me to suspect something other than depression, as if my illness has morphed or changed into something else.
Ive suffered horrible nightmares for a while.
I get VERY irritble, sometimes crave hurting ppl.
My concentration is out the window
So sometimes when i go to bed (note i am often not tired, and lie awake for sometime) i hear voices inside my head. i have passed them off as my own thoughts for a while, until recently when thse voices infact interupt and drown out my own thinking. There are lots of them like 15 or 20. some whisper and some shreik. Its usually hard to make out but sometimes i can hear one over the rest. They say really random stuff thats been kinda irrelivant so i wasnt overly worried.
Then one day i was walking y myself in the shopping centre and i heard one.. it said "oh justine looks sad" and then i bagan to answer it which scared me.
Others in broad daylight say "i dont want to live" and similar stuff...which is scary cos at these times when it has happened ive usually been feeling ok.
I think often that there something inside of me that is trying to get me to kill myself, and so it says thngs to me and tries to pass them off as my own thoughts.
other times ive heard ppl calling my name outside of my head. I would have sworn someone did except that when i answered and looked for a source no one was there.
Also sometime i see things like spiders on the wall, a dark figure or man out the corner of my eye Which all dissapear when i look directly at them.
I also sometimes see the light turn off and on again, which i was convinced actually happened, until it once did when i was with my family at the dinner table.. i commented on it and they all made it very clear that they saw nothing..
What is most worrying to me though is when im in these childlike depressive states. I am convinced that the world around me is fake, this is when i sometimes get violent. i went to smash a mirror in a shopping centre (didnt luckily) had an urge to kick my sister in the face and actually said to her "i could break ur nose right now" and also hurt myself convinced it dosnt matter cos the world is not real..
Is this consistant with bipolar?
im kinda freaked out cos i dont have much control over myself when im like this.. thoughts anyone??