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Old May 7th, 2007, 10:25 PM  
Junior Member+
unknown(to_myself)'s Forum Picture
Join Date: April 7, 2007
Location: Washington
Gender: Female
Default So tired of dealing with this....

i still hate myself for ever picking up that knife and making that first cut. Not only do i have dozens of scars and red lines,but i have relapsed again and i don't think i'm going to be able to stop this time. And on top of that, it has pretty much ruined my life. My boyfriend broke up with me because he thought i was insane. he thought I was insane!!! he was the one addicted drugs, and yes, Ive done them..but not in a while and i didnt like the high i got anyway. Most of my family wants nothing to do with me. The only person i could talk to is my cousin, who also had self harm problems, but she's alot older and has no intrest in hanging out with me. My mom has refused to listen to me "because i lied to her for so long she now can't trust what i say". At school, a random person i didnt even know called me into the councler's office. that wasn't the problem though. when i got out, she went back in and accused me of giving her death threats and said that i intended to do a suicide massacre. So now ive been transfered to a differant school, where my grades have gone to hell because i have no clue whats going on and nobody wants to help because they all know about what ive done and the rumers that have come of this. And the school swore they wouldnt make a scene about this cause they didnt think i would do that.i wouldnt. i dont think i would. maybe the thought has crossed my mind. But i had NO intent of doin it then the school's principal, assistant principal, and councelers watch my every move. i cant get any peace! and still i cut. i am still creating more problems and i cant help it. I honestly cant help it! and i cant even count the number of times ive called a suicide hotline lately. i see no end to the madness. my life has become on giant wreck. i dont know what to do and i dont know where to go. I have so many problems besides cutting (medically) too. and maybe im just a stupid little emo kid who cant control her feelings....but either way i have to figure something out. I have to cause im going insane...
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