Join Date: January 8, 2007
Location: That one place with the mountains.
I suppose this is where it'd go.
Almost two years ago, I met this guy. We'll call him TM. So, I met TM and within a month he asked me out. I said no, because I had just gotten out of a relationship and I didn't want to be back in one quite yet. But he persisted and eventually, I said yes. [On December 16th, 2005 to be exact.]
When I was a little kid I always wanted a copy of the book "Twas The Night Before Christmas" and for Christmas, he got me two. An old-fashioned gorgeous version, and a new, cute version. This was when I knew that he was amazing.
And then something happened. It was around Febuary of 2006. There was this guy, CH, and he started telling me things about TM. Bad things. And I guess I got swayed. I broke up with TM, and
somehow ended up with CH. TM and I still acted like we were going out, just how we talked/acted around each other, and CH turned into the most controlling boyfriend I've ever had. Turns out he cheated on me with twenty million other people and when he broke up with me he called me fake, and it turns out he was faker then I could ever dream of being. So, we broke up. And within a couple days I was back with TM. We were together.. and.. it was amazing. I fell so incredibly in love. I had finally found the person I dreamed about for 15 years. He was the one who I could trust with EVERYTHING, and I mean everything, and he wouldn't run away. In fact, whenever I was having a bad day he came up with a new way to make me feel better. He saw me at my worst, and he saved me. If it wasn't for him, I'm fairly positive I wouldn't be here right now.
And then I went to Australia. Something bad happened while I was gone. It was enough to lose all of my friends, and I wasn't even on the same side of the world. I came back, and I had literally lost everyone, and I was about to lose the most important person of my life. We talked it out though, and worked through it and came out stronger then ever. By this time we were planning out the rest of our lives, and they would obviously be linked together. I considered him my soulmate. He was my best friend, and my boyfriend, and I couldn't have been luckier.
And then... Febuary 19th, 2007 happened. He broke up with me. He said he couldn't handle the distance and there were a million other things, but only one thing mattered. I was losing him. I was losing the first person I had ever really trusted, and he didn't want to be with me anymore.
It was horrible. I went to school on tuesday, and I was a complete zombie. Every few minutes I had to curl up, because I felt like I was going to be ripped apart. I could actually feel a wall closing around my heart. I officially decided that I was never going to date again. I would never fall in love again. And I would never EVER feel this pain again. It so bad that I stayed up night after night, carefully planning which bottle of pills I would swallow in the morning to take away the pain. I couldn't see how I could go on without him. I felt like I had my only friend, my entire future, and my soulmate ripped away. I was so incredibily lonely, and whenever we talked, it seemed like he was already over me. It made me question ever thing that he'd ever said to me. What if it was all lies? What if he was just playing with me? 'What if' became a 24/7 mantra that screamed through my head.
Yesterday, he took me off his myspace friends list. I IMed him, and asked why. He said he didn't trust me. He compared me to the person that killed his mom.
I asked him if he cared, and he said no, not at all.
Last night, I didn't sleep. I was back to planning which pills to take this morning.
I thought I had experienced the worst pain ever when he dumped me, but really. It's nothing compared to this. Well, not nothing, but you get what I mean. Every breath hurts, and I feel like my heart is being ripped to shreds inside my chest. TM and I will never speak again, and I have officially lost the best friend I have ever had. He hates me. And... I don't know what to do.
I'm completely lost.
Jess, Weeping Willow, is my wifey.
Living Receiver is my brother.
***JG*** is my pet.
ΦρανψοΒριτ is my father.
*LostMyWay* is my long lost cowgirl cousin.