Fear of molesting a child?
My cousin watched a movie a few weeks ago about child molesters and since then I have been horribly distressed that I am going to molest children. I can hardly eat, sleep in my own bed, (i have to sleep on the couch) or have a healthy relationship, although I have been with my boyfriend for one and a half years. All of the thoughts are focused around my little brother, who I love more than anything else in the world, and I imagine how it would feel and then I usually either cry, throw up, or have a panic attack. I swear on my life it also feels like I am getting turned on by the thoughts, which disgusts me more than anything else in the world. I feel weird touching my little brother, like holding him or playing games, especially giving him baths or changing his diaper.
I have never been treated for OCD, because I am a minor I have a hard time finding places which will see me, but I have been known to have other things wrong, like depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. I also do things in my head such as correspond letters with numbers, so if I hear a word that appeals with me, I have to correspond the letter with the number the letter is in the alphabet. For example, if someone said "yes." i would think in my head " 25, 5, 20." and I cannot shake it no matter what. I believe this is OCD but I am not quite sure. The child molesting thoughts have about sent me over the edge, but I cannot find anywhere for mental help. I am completely lost as to what to do.