Join Date: June 30, 2004
Location: Van Island, BC
Liberals! Don your jet packs!
The Liberal leader looked very rattled as he kicked off the emergency caucus meeting.
"It was bad enough," he said, "to see, on the news, about the Conservative election campaign headquarters and how it is so super fancy and high tech, like the place where the space shuttle it goes off. But now, they are having even more things for us to worry."
The caucus members glanced at one another. What could it be?
"Their campaign bus," the Liberal leader said, "can turn into a robot."
There was a stirring in the room. This was an astonishing development. People wanted to know what, exactly, the Liberal leader had seen and heard.
"On the TV," he said. "They showed it."
What the Conservatives evidently had was something called a "transformer" bus. It looked just like a regular campaign bus, with a picture of Stephen Harper on the side, but at the press of a button, the various parts of the bus flipped over and turned inside out and before you knew it, it was sprouting arms and legs and standing upright and the big window at the front of the bus morphed into the face of a robot. It was from up there that the Prime Minister could sit in his special cockpit and look down upon Canadians and wreak havoc on the countryside.
"When the bus is a robot," the Liberal leader said, "it can run wherever it wants, not worrying about traffic jams."
"Uh, listen, StÃ©phane," said a caucus member, "you know there's this kids' show, right? About cars and trucks that turn into robots called Transform--"
"How are we coming," the Liberal leader asked, "on robot buses?"
People exchanged puzzled glances. An Ontario Liberal MP said, "Uh, StÃ©phane, I don't think we have any robot buses."
The Liberal leader looked dismayed. "How about jet packs?"
"Jet packs?" asked several people.
"All the Conservatives, running in the election, they will have them," the Liberal leader said. "It was on the news. They showed some of the Conservative MPs trying them out, well, some of the lighter ones. The fat ones, they had some trouble gaining altitude, but I believe they are working on this problem. When they are wearing jet packs, they can get around neighbourhoods lots faster, the door-knocking goes very much quicker."
"Are you sure about this?" asked another MP. "I mean, I know you saw it, the robots and the jet packs on TV, but isn't possible Harper's people are just trying to intimi--"
"Also, they showed this one MP," the Liberal leader continued, "and one of her legs had been turned into a machine gun, to deal with people who steal campaign signs."
The room went quiet.
"So I am thinking," he said, "that, maybe, we should hold off on an election, until we have got robot buses and jet packs, and MPs who are okay with having their legs turned into machine guns.
"But just MPs who are missing legs now. I am not a crazy person, you know. And anyone whose leg becomes armed, it would have to be registered."
A caucus member who'd spoken up earlier said, "You see, what I think is, Harper, he's just trying to psych us out, you know? Make us scared to force an election. By having these little events for the media, to make it look like they'd crush us like bugs if we dared to pull the plug on -- "
"Oh! I almost forgot!" the Liberal leader said. "Also, a cloaking device! That can make them invisible! They could be here in the room, right now, listening to us."
Whispered one caucus member sadly to another, "And if they are, they must be shaking in their boots."