i just don't know what's wrong with me now. i started eating yesterday..only little bit, but at least it's something. my weight has slowly dropped to 116lbs, but hopefully things will level out.
you're right, it has been something that i thought i could control.
well, last night i got a scathing phone call from my parents. they found out about my boyfriend...his sister told them. basically my parents are ultra conservative homo-haters and i have now been deemed a failure from my mother and a son of a bitch from my father. what they said was the worst thing to hear from them. the only thing i thought i could do was to apologize for just being me. huh, that didn't work at all. to them, my sexuality is a choice, a choice between right and wrong, a choice between heaven and hell. i nearly cut again when they hung up. i was so overwhelmed with anger and sadness that i would have killed myself, but something stopped me and i don't know what. maybe i'm so fucked up that i need to be put on medication, or locked up in some psycho facility.
the only thing i have ever wanted to do is please my parents. i have tried time and time again to be the perfect son for them, but my efforts have always meant nothing. they always point out my imperfections and tell me that i will never be good enough in their eyes. i guess i have now realized how much of a failure i truly am to them.
right now, my life officially sucks and i have hell to come back to when i come home.