This is a bit embarrassing, but recently I've been purposefully been eating less. I know why, it's just that I really don't feel like sharing this with my shrink. So, I won't. Well, I suffer from depression and am totally not for taking 'feel good pills.' I definately refuse to be one of the million or two Americans who are on some form of anti-depressant. Before, I used to cut. Then some of my friends at school found out and tattle taled on me to the student advocate, some person who is like a counselor, but she's more of a social worker. Anyway, I got suspended from school because of the cutting. Four of my friends told her that they saw the cuts on my wrists. I should have never tried to act like nothing was up. I had to be evaluated by a professional mental health person before I could come back to school. When this person was done evaluating me, she concluded that I was neither hazard to myself nor other people. I knew this about myself before I even went in. It was such a waste of life for a person to tell me, my parents and my school that I am not a threat to myself or other people. To me, cutting was something that I could control. It was just an outlet, an escape route from my hell hole reality called life. We moved last summer, I totally hate my new school and my parents are too damn controlling. I know I can't cut, cause if I do, I'll go to the hospital...again. So, I've stopped eating. Literally. Since I stopped, I've lost eight pounds. I'm now down to 127, but here's the thing, I'm 6'2'' and already way underweight. I'm not hungry, because I continually tell myself I'm not. I want to lose another 27 pounds, but deep down, I think that it will kill me if I do so. My waist is already 29 inches...that's a size two in women's jeans if anyone cares to know...don't ask me how I know that....so I know that I really can't lose too much more weight before my body collapses. I don't really know what to do, or what I'm asking for. Lame, I know. I guess I've just been feeling really depressed lately.
Hmmm lame how I have to update this on the same post, but it's been three days now and I'm now down to 120. 15lbs in six days...sweet
Everglow Has Left this place for a while...or for good. Time will tell.
It was a beautiful letdown
I was trying so hard to fit in
Fit in, until I found out...
I don't belong here
Last edited by Everglow; March 26th, 2007 at 05:33 AM.