Re: voices, i told my doc
Do you hear these voices inside your head or does it sound like someone in the room talking to you. Also did you smoke alot of weed in the last few years?
My advice is dont take any meds they prescribe to you. Once you dont let the voices bother you at all even if theyre still there they wont be a problem. Dont even bother insulting them and threatening them back because your only insulting or threatening yourself and i find the more you pay attention to them the more you hear them.
I know exactly what your talking about when you say you dont function properly when you hear them. Sometimes when im hearing them its like im mentally paralysed and have nothing to say back to them but the minute their gone i have a million things to say and ask them. Your mother is in no position to say its your ears playing tricks on you. Only someone whos experienced this knows how real it seems to be. I had no idea how real it was until my 4th night staying up on speed. Like you at some points I was slighlty paralyzed and couldnt concentrate on anything but the voices and became really passive and let them say what they wanted.
Another thing at its peak a few real weird things happened. 1 at one point a voice said "Now that I have his undivided attention I concentrate on his frontal lobe" and I felt 2 cold hands on my face.
2.) The voice said "Wet willy........ Now" and I felt a cold finger poke me.
3.) The voice said "Your going to get carpol tunnel syndrome and feel the walls closing in on you" or some weird shit like that and although that didnt happen when I went downstairs my hands went ice cold and started dripping with sweat for no reason.
I was convinced it was a ghost or a demon because it kept saying shit like "rivers are gonna run red with your blood" "just pack your bags and leave your dead already" "im imposing my will on you" "you know what this is dont you? youve sold your soul to me" "i should take revenge on you for what you did to me"
At different times I thought it was someone hallucinating as well or having an out of body experience when it said things like "Is this your first psychedelic encounter? I had 3 my first was in Amsterdam" "Erica just wants to lick ya" (I ve known any Erica's and have no idea why a name like that would come into my head)
Other times i thought it was a government agent or an occultist when it would say things like "Theres people in cars outside waiting for you" I looked out the window and there actually were people sitting in their cars right where the voice said theyd be. "Youve 5 minutes to get out of the house then theyre coming in to kill you" "Whos that coming in your back door?" when id walk by a window it would say "There you are, now i can see you" or if id turn on a light it would say "dont turn on any lights theyll know exactly where you are"
It must have asked me a million times if I commited any violent crimes and kept telling me I was going to jail for life and all this ridiculous crap. I was compltetly passive and immobilized (mentally that is) the whole time and hardly said anything back to this voice apart from ask a few questions like "who are you?" it would reply "a friend, an old friend.... or a woe" interesting because I didnt even know what the word woe meant at the time. I knew the word foe though. Another question I asked was after the voice said things like "Your stuck with me now, your gonna have to purge your soul" he said "I purged my soul in south america once" I asked him how and he replied "with a plant". I asked him what purging the soul does and he replied "removes any stains or impurities from the soul". I said to myself in my head ""Not a bad idea i might just do that some day" and he replied seemingly benevolantly "purging your soul will work wonders for your life"
The voice also asked me if id heard of an author named R. Kelly who i have no idea who that is. Mentioned a couple of times the word "psionics" but i had no idea what the hell that was.
Strange stuff to say the least. All these little details made it really hard for me to believe it was all in my head. I mean maybe it was but maybe it wasnt. 70% of the people i know that have hallucinated on speed have said "maybe the hallucinations are real". What if these voices are real entities which seek out people perceptive enough to hear them and torment them either to get them to regress back into being ignorant and unperceptive or something more malevolent. Or maybe theyre completely neutral and are only testing us to see if were worthy of being illuminated to hidden knowledge and perception which ordinary people are deprived of.
They analyse you and test you. If you have any fears, doubts, regrets or shame about yourself you will not pass these guards but if you face them without any of those hinderances you will be deemed worthy and will pass them. Just a theory but its a fuckin good one in my opinion. The shamans explanation of schizophrenia is completely different to the western view of it and in my opinion explains alot more. They believe it to be more of a spiritual matter than a psychological one. What if the western world has it completely backwards in seeing that schizophrenics suffer from mental illness. What if schizophrenics are just gifted with extra perception or are at a higher state of spiritual evolution and are facing mental and spiritual trials which the ordinary person is not ready for.
Personally Ive always had the most stable, steady and perservering mind out of everybody around me. I was one of the few that had mastered balancing my mind to the point where I can control depression and my emotions, I can literally withstand starvation, extreme temperatures and physical pain just by altering the way I think. I felt I was almost invulnerable up until I started hearing these voices and the paranormal factor came into my life. It was a whole new field from then on.