Re: it's like a chain reaction!
it's been a long 5 days. i gave in and cut last friday night. i can't really remember much about that night. my mom came in and found me passed out in our bathroom and called 911. i had to get 20 stiches and they put me in the hospital. it was an accident. i wasn't trying to kill myself, i guess i just let out everything in that one cut. i didn't mean to. i came home last night. i'm glad to be home. i have to go to see my therapist more times a week but i'm okay with that. i'm glad that i am getting help now, even if i didn't mean for it to happen. i don't want to stay sad and depressed forever. it feels weird to me to be happy when i have lost two of the most important people in my life. my mom was trying to make me feel better last night on the way home and she said something that made me laugh and immediately after i felt so guilty. she noticed i got quiet and asked what was wrong and i told her and she said it might take months or even a year, but eventually she said i will be able to laugh and have fun without feeling so sad and guilty about it. mom and dad are talking about moving at the end of this school year so that i can have a fresh start somewhere else. i told them that this fall i was taking a year off instead of going straight to college. i need a break. but hopefully things will start getting easier soon. i need them to.