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Old March 1st, 2007, 04:18 PM  
schrei jess
Awesome Poster
 
Join Date: October 5, 2006
Age: 25
Gender: Undisclosed
Default Re: I tried to get help.

So here's what happened last night for those who want an update.

I called 211 again after I worked up the nerve. A lady picked up and she gave me two numbers I could call. So had to work up even more courage to do it again, I was really scared. It's like 1 in the morning by the time I get it back. So I dial. A man picks up, and I talk to him for a little while. It was hard, but I did it. And I told him whatever I could, and I was scared to tell him my name and where I lived but I did. Eventually he transfers me to another woman who I talk to some more, and she says I need to wake my mom up. Not what I wanted to do, but I had to. I get my mom up and tell her to talk to the person on the phone - and she freaks out, wondering what Im doing on the phone that early/late. I tell her I called a helpline and she finally takes the phone, and talks to the lady. I get the phone back to talk to the person again, and I can hear my mom talking with my dad. And she sounds pissed, and I feel terrible. It's obvious she's mad. The lady says something about contacting something called 'first help' or 'first health' about my self-harm and I said I couldnt. She says I have to go to the hospital then, which is what I wanted all along. Well, my mom never took me. She made me sleep in her room. I get like two hours of sleep, and Im being woken up for school this morning. So I have to get ready, and I can barely function but Im in my dad's car, and we're driving to school. He asks if I want to stay home, so I say yes. He says if you want to stay home, we have to talk. So I agree. He will only let me sleep for two hours when I get back, which is definetly not enough. He wakes me up and says we have to talk, and I try but it isnt good enough for him so it's clear he is getting mad. So I show him that stuff I wrote and he reads it. He doesnt understand how hard it is for me to have face to face conversations about this stuff. He makes me email my psychiatrist and ask her to reccomend me some new therapists, as I have to go back again. The whole day was...too much. And I feel like they hate me for calling for help...but am I supposed to feel bad about that? I needed help, and I tried to get it. I feel like dying more than ever. I want different parents. I want to run away. Anything, something. I dont want this.

I DO NOT GO ON HERE ANYMORE. I HAVE LEFT THIS PLACE FOR GOOD AND DON'T INTEND ON COMING BACK. PLEASE DON'T FRIEND REQUEST ME, PRIVATE MESSAGE ME, OR ANYTHING BECAUSE I WILL NEVER SEE IT AND YOU'LL NEVER GET A RESPONSE. THANK YOU.
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