Ok, i've got a really funny one:
Whats blue and fluffy? ......blue fluff! - just kidding that was only there so the rest seem funnier j/k
What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
What does a women do with her ass in the morning???
She makes him a sandwich and sends him to work....
Ok, i've got more
More gay banter.....
Four men got together at a reunion. All of them had sons and they started discussing them.
The first man said his son was doing so well, he now owned a factory, manufacturing furniture. Why, just the other day he gave his best friend a whole house full of brand new furniture.
The second man said his son was doing just as well. He was a manager at a car sales firm. Why, just the other day he gave his best friend a Ferrari.
The third man said his was doing well too. He was a manager at a bank. Why,just the other day he gave his best friend a the money to buy a house.
The fourth man just shook his head. He said his son was gay and hadn't amounted to much. But he must be doing something right because, just the other day he was given a house, furniture and a Ferrari by his friends!
A little known Christmas fact....
One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip ... but there were problems everywhere.
Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree?
Where would you like me to stick it?"
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
If some of these have already been posted...im sorry