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Old May 17th, 2011, 07:54 PM   #1
Twistember
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Name: Cat
Join Date: May 17, 2011
Gender: Female
Default I need help. I don't know what to do....

For the past year or so, I've been "a little off my rocker" as my mom put it. I don't know where to start, so I'll start from the most troubling things to the least troubling. Overall....I need help. Sorry this is so long.

I am TERRIFIED of molesting a child. I'm only 15 myself, and I worry that I will molest one of my friends or younger family members. I have no desire to molest anyone, yet I can't shake this fear. I'm also terrified of killing myself or acting on a violent impulse towards someone else. I have cut before, and everytime I do it, I get so scared that I'll feel one more drop of angry, or sadness, or lonely and go too deep. But I never do.

Sometimes I feel like my life revolves around the number 4. I do most things 4 times. Tapping my foot, sipping drinks, when I chew my food it has to be a multiple of 4, number of ice cubes in my drink, blinking, coughing, grinding my teeth....almost everything.

Whenever I think of paper (toilet paper, paper plates, napkins, etc.) I have to run my tounge over the front part of the top row of my teeth 4 times. Or a multiple of 4. I have to, if I don't, it's all I can think about until I do it.

I'm a compulsive skin picker/hair puller. I just can not stop. My lips are terrible, I have scars all over my arms from where I can't stop picking at the cuts. Even where my skin is perfect, i scratch it until it bleeds and then I keep picking it and it leaves a scar. I've always pulled at my hair/picked my skin. With the hair, it started out just pulling on it. Then a few years ago I moved on to actually pulling it out. I've left bald spots on my head from where I've pulled out all the hair. Sometimes I'm not aware that I'm picking/pulling until it's too late. I don't even know I'm doing it.

This isn't all, but these are the things that get to me the most. Can someone please point me in the right direction? I don't know what to do.

Thanks

Last edited by Twistember; May 17th, 2011 at 07:55 PM. Reason: spelling
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