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Old January 19th, 2007, 07:49 PM  
schrei jess
Awesome Poster
Join Date: October 5, 2006
Age: 26
Gender: Undisclosed
Default I'll Find You in Death

Okay so this is a oneshot I wrote, originally posted to the aarinfantasy forums (a yaoi website). I like to write yaoi fics but decided Id try something different and this is what I came up with, but I had requests from readers on aarinfantasy to make it into a full fic, so ID like some ideas from you all as well.

Just as a warning, contains suicide and twincest. Please do not bring any negative comments, unless it's criticism, I dont really care if you are against incest or suicide, I dont. So please leave critique, and suggestions!


I hold the knife over the white skin of my wrist. I feel the sharp blade graze the skin, scraping it, droplets of blood rising to the surface. Life without you has been unbearable, and I’ve finally reached the breaking point. You aren’t in this world anymore, so why should I stay. I cant find you in life, so Ill find you in death. Tears are falling from my eyes now, my last thoughts will be of you, Ill let those memories come out once more...

I still see you.
I always see you.
You’re everywhere.
But you’re nowhere.

I didn’t believe them when they told me. Even when they showed me your cold, lifeless body, I still didn’t believe them. You promised me that you’d never leave me. We would stay together no matter what. You promised. And I believed it. I can hear you now,


“I love you,”


You said those three words so well. River, I dreamt of you every night. Some nights it was just your face, those pale green eyes...the same as mine. Some nights, I could almost feel your eyelashes dusting my cheeks as you placed your gentle lips upon my face. And some nights, I dreamt of your warm body next to mine, your frail figure curled against my own...

You were the picture of perfection, sleeping soundly, lost in your dreams. I could only imagine what thoughts might run through your mind. I watched silently from the corner as you slept, holding my breath as I guiltily ran my eyes over your nude figure.

“Arius...” you called out, had you seen me? Fear quickly vanished as your steady breath continued, your chest rising and falling gracefully. My feet began to move, taking me closer to you. I could not control myself as I crawled into your bed, sliding in next to you. You stirred.


“River...,” Was all I could manage. I reached out, brushing your silver hair from your face, clearing the path to your pale green eyes. I closed my eyes, your warm breath sliding across my skin. You scooted closer, allowing me to wrap my arms around you. Our bodies fit so well together, every curve and dip in my body could be met with the matching ones in yours. Our beings were the same, we were the same. Twins.

“I love you River...”

“And I love you Arius.” My heart pounded against my rib cage as those words curled over your tongue. Blood rushed to my face as I brought my lips to yours. The world stopped around us as our tongues danced in the others warm, slick embrace. I felt your fingers dig into my shoulder, your body even closer now. The blind-less window let moonshine stream in, lighting up your hair before my eyes. You were an angel. My angel.


That was the last time I held you. It’s still fresh in my mind, like an open wound that just wont seem to scab over. The wound was made deeper every day that I thought of you, deeper still as I heard you call my name. And when I looked into a mirror, it was you I saw. My was the same as yours was. My eyes, that same shade of celery green. And my hair, the same moonlit strands that fell delicately over your shoulders...they fell over mine, too. River, my heart bled for you. Every reminder was a knife, slicing through my pained heart, bleeding me dry. I cant take it without you. Why did they take you away from me?

Whoever killed you, Ill never know. And maybe I don’t want to know. I don’t think Id ever want to know the person who could kill someone like you. They should’ve killed me instead, it feels like they did anyway. Life without you isn’t a life worth living. I cant do it anymore. I wont do it anymore.

The knife digs into my skin now, tearing away the tender veins. The pain shoots through my arms, I feel it all over my body, but I wont stop. Blood is falling to the floor now, like raindrops. A puddle soon turns into a sea, and I wonder how much blood I’ve got left. I feel lightheaded now, my legs give out. As I sink to the floor, the world spins away, Im losing consciousness.

“River..” My last thoughts, my last words, they are for you. My eyes flutter now, closing. Darkness begins to overtake my body.

“Im coming River...”

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