I'm worried about the way my girlfriend thinks about herself. She's 5'7" and, before we met, she used to weigh 194 pounds. But she's lost a lot of weight -- I'm not sure how much, since she obviously won't tell me. I think she said before that she lost 57 pounds, but I don't think that's right because then she would only weigh 137, and that's how much I weigh. I dunno, but she definitely doesn't weigh that much anymore.
ANYWAY, recently I discovered that she perceives her body to be disgusting, gross, hideous, uhh, and pretty much every horrible, cruel thing you could say about fatness. It's absurd. To listen to her talk about herself you would think she still weighed 194 or more.
We have had a couple arguments and the way she talks makes me so angry... whenever we talk about it, she refers to herself as a "fat lard" at least a dozen times. She always says things like that as if she's commenting on the weather or something. i.e., "Oh, it's going to rain tomorrow" => "I'm a disgusting whale." Of course, it is a big deal because it puts a serious strain on our relationship.
She sounds just so mindlessly resigned to the idea that her body is disgusting and she justifies her self-loathing talk by saying that "It's just a fact. It's not a big deal." It makes me so angry because she's so beautiful to me, but that doesn't matter to her! She won't even give my opinion any validity. I try to tell her that the way she thinks is self-destructive and just wrong, but she, again, acts like it's not a big deal. She won't believe that she can -- and should -- change her perception of herself because she says she'd by lying to herself. But she's just mistaken because she isn't that heavy....
Like I said before, it really puts a strain on our relationship. Aside from how much I can't stand to listen to her irrational, horrible nonsense, it affects us physically too. She won't let me touch her anywhere on her abdomen before she immediately pulls my hand(s) away and gets mad at me. And of course she won't let me see her without a shirt. Even though I keep telling her I think she's beautiful, she doesn't care because she thinks she's disgusting. It makes me so angry. When I ask her when she will be comfortable enough to remove her shirt, she plainly says that it will "never" happen because she is "fat and disgusting," and there's no arguing with her because she insists that it is "just a fact."
It makes me so angry... I can't stand to listen to her say the things she does. I asked her, "How can you love someone if you can't even love yourself?" but what I really wanted to ask was, "How can you expect anyone else to love you if you don't love yourself?"