Im ready to die. I think I might do it tonight, Im tired of living like this. The same pointless routine day after day if not worth staying alive for. And yes, Im thinking about what Im leaving behind, and what I havent done, but none of it matters. Sure I love my mom, dad, chris, patrick, all of them...and I dont want to hurt them, but I cant do this anymore. Yeah, Im being selfish by doing this, but that is who I am. I am selfish, and I am stupid and impulsive. And no, things WONT change, they havent for three long years, and they wont ever. There is no cure for me, and I dont want to sit around dying inside while I wait for one that wont ever come.
This site has been great, I love the people here, but it did not help me. Maybe it helped me stay sane by having a place to talk and make friends. I like helping people, trying to, hoping that their life is better than mine, and believing that by helping Id be making it better for them, I hope I did.
Im not saying Im for sure doing it, but Im so damn close to it, and Im considering it heavily right now.
If there's anything you wanted to say to me, or want to say to me - do it now.
I DO NOT GO ON HERE ANYMORE. I HAVE LEFT THIS PLACE FOR GOOD AND DON'T INTEND ON COMING BACK. PLEASE DON'T FRIEND REQUEST ME, PRIVATE MESSAGE ME, OR ANYTHING BECAUSE I WILL NEVER SEE IT AND YOU'LL NEVER GET A RESPONSE. THANK YOU.