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Old December 10th, 2006, 10:10 PM  
schrei jess
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Join Date: October 5, 2006
Age: 25
Gender: Undisclosed
Default Treatment programs, or hospitalization?

Has anyone ever been hospitalized or put into a treatment program for self harm? I mean like a little while, not just over night hospitalization. Im scared of my cutting now and I want it to stop, I really do but I dont think I can. I feel like the only way I can stop is to be forced to stop and removed from my daily life. I will admit, my cutting isnt terrible, I dont bleed much, I msure my cuts arent deep enough to matter but I have scars now. Like before, my scars would go away in a week or two, I have some scars on my arms from like weeks and weeks ago. Im scared now. I always swore I wouldnt get this far. And whats really scary to me is that I like it. A part of me is saying if I stop - Ill die, I cant stop! I carry the damn blade with me at school, along with a bunch of bandaids incase I have to cut. I feel like everyone thinks Im worthless and stupid for hurting myself. My grades have slipped, Ive never failed classes before, never done this bad. I just stopped caring. I want to be forced to stop this. My therapist I think dont think it's serious enough to worry about, so he doesnt really make a huge effort to ask about it or help me stop. He like gave me tips, like holding the ice thing. I dont want to hold some damn ice or snap a stupid rubber band on my wrist (which i have tried, just gave me a bad bruise). I dont want some other stupid thing I become dependent on, I just want it all to stop!! Im considering hurting myself bad, or taking an overdose just so someone will realize that I need serious help! I want to be hospitalized and get this thing over with?

What do I do?!

I DO NOT GO ON HERE ANYMORE. I HAVE LEFT THIS PLACE FOR GOOD AND DON'T INTEND ON COMING BACK. PLEASE DON'T FRIEND REQUEST ME, PRIVATE MESSAGE ME, OR ANYTHING BECAUSE I WILL NEVER SEE IT AND YOU'LL NEVER GET A RESPONSE. THANK YOU.
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