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Old December 5th, 2006, 10:51 PM  
schrei jess
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Join Date: October 5, 2006
Age: 25
Gender: Undisclosed
Default Re: The thing about perfection.

When I hear the word perfection I think two things.

First, I think of body image. I wish I looked perfect, to make up for the fact that everything else about me sucks. My mindset, personality, life, emotions, moods, grades, friends. Sucks, it all sucks. If only I could look how I wanted. I look at all the skinny, blonde, great skin, great makeup, hair, etc. etc, girls, I wish I was that. Ill never be that, but I still try. Mostly because there is a small flicker of hope in my mind, that if I looked perfect - everything could be perfect. And that sucks in itself, that I feel like I have to look perfect to feel good.

Second, I think of my work at school. I try to make my projects look perfect. Mostly in art things, since that is what I am best at - I try to make it the absolute best I can. Now obviously it isnt working, I have an F, D, C, and B - Ive barely ever gotten A's. Anyway, Im a perfectionist when it comes to projects - and when it doesnt turn out perfect I can get really upset. The other day I had a panic attack over a project. I was in a group, we had to paint a banner for a Renasseince Fair, and my group wasnt really into it, smearing the paint, making fat lines, bad colors, not even trying. I was trying to work really hard and make it good but no one else cared as much. I got upset no one would listen, I couldnt breathe well almost fainted.

My strive for perfection is practically ruining me, but I still try.

Perfection doesnt exsist. To every person, it exsists in everyone but ourselves (excluding egomaniacs and narcissists). I look at other people and can say "God, they are perfect - why cant I be" and I beat myself up over not being able to be as perfect as them. I will never be perfect. No one is. But our own desires make us believe that perfection exsists and we kill ourselves every day trying to get there.

I DO NOT GO ON HERE ANYMORE. I HAVE LEFT THIS PLACE FOR GOOD AND DON'T INTEND ON COMING BACK. PLEASE DON'T FRIEND REQUEST ME, PRIVATE MESSAGE ME, OR ANYTHING BECAUSE I WILL NEVER SEE IT AND YOU'LL NEVER GET A RESPONSE. THANK YOU.
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