Re: i feel lower than dirt.
As for the first part about your boyfriend, everyone is stupid when they are drunk and in a way, you sort of heard what your boyfriend REALLY wants. Maybe he's just trying to get into your pants. I may be wrong, since alcohol makes us do stupid things.
For the second part, you have to stay true to yourself and go against all odds in your life. We all know cutting is bad, but you shouldn't be mad at yourself. It'll be difficult to cope with yourself during this time period though. I'm sorry if I can't help you out here. This is only something you know how to do. A friend usually helps.