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Old November 29th, 2006, 04:22 PM  
schrei jess
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Join Date: October 5, 2006
Age: 25
Gender: Undisclosed
Default Why do I feel like it is my identity?

Ive been cutting for about three years. I hate it. I despise it. I wish I had never started. It's disgusting. But I love it. I love it so much, it's like my best friend and worst enemy. When I do it now, it's not like I have a reason, I just do it because I feel like Im supposed to. It isnt about being depressed or hating myself...for some reason, I just do it...to do it.

I dont want to do this anymore. Im tired of telling people some lame story about my dog scratching me up. It's obvious it's a lie. And plenty of people can see through it, but I still tell it. I dont want anyone to take this away from me, but I dont want to do this anymore. Why is it ike that? If I stop cutting, I feel like I wont be me anymore, and I guess that is what's keeping me from quitting.

Is there anyway to stop this? The strange thing is, it isnt hard for me to just stop cutting. But after Ive stopped for a while, I feel like Im not me anymore, I have to cut to be me again. I dont think I will ever return to normal unless I can feel like cutting isnt me. I think that is what is holding me back. I dont want to let go.

I DO NOT GO ON HERE ANYMORE. I HAVE LEFT THIS PLACE FOR GOOD AND DON'T INTEND ON COMING BACK. PLEASE DON'T FRIEND REQUEST ME, PRIVATE MESSAGE ME, OR ANYTHING BECAUSE I WILL NEVER SEE IT AND YOU'LL NEVER GET A RESPONSE. THANK YOU.
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