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Old November 22nd, 2006, 06:39 PM  
New Member
Join Date: November 11, 2006
Location: England
Default Re: The art of getting girls, one at which I fail, and I'd like help.

Originally Posted by Alondite View Post
Hey. Lately I've been going around, trying to get myself a girlfriend, and why not, some friends, yet while I used to believe I had almost all the tools (except socialness), I've realised this is strangely not the case.

Now, I'm trying to kick myself in the butt and being nice to people, for once, so being evil is not the cause of my torments (in fact I've got a few dates! But they all flopped ). I just feel the years moved while I didn't. I'm still stuck in the 40s. Here's my usual date behaviour, maybe you can point out stuff that hurts instead of helping or give tips or something.

I'm a very old school guy by nature. Like I said in my introduction, I believe in gallantry and courtesy, and while I do not directly approach people or seek contacts with them (usually), holding a door for a girl is something I do at least 20 times every day (only to be thanked by half that number, but that's another story). Yet I feel girls find this kind of thing strangely distasteful. Same thing with pulling/pushing chairs, et caetera. Did all of this fall out of fashion or something?

Another thing, girls find me a little weird because I still kiss hands upon a first date/meeting. I think it's a mark of respect, since it involves kneeling before her and all that nice, symbolic stuff, but they seem to think otherwise >_>

I tend to always want to pay for a girl's part when/if go eat somewhere, and so, I propose that we take it all on me. However, I HATE it when they insist to pay their part. I tend to lose my nerve, stop to argue and let them pay, but then apparently I've had some of them believe I'm not interested in them because I didn't insist to pay or something. What's the correct behaviour in this case? I remind you I'm not a big fan of Dutch dates.

Now about apparance...I usually do not gel my hair, I never sport any beard when going on a date, and I'm always well-dressed (if not sometimes downright snob-looking). I don't think I'm very ugly either (just a little). My shoes are always shiny, my clothes are impeccable, I have good table manners so I don't pass as a pig...but all of this seems kind of futile, to be honest. It's as if girls would want me to dress down to a T-shirt and battered jeans and bring them to Mikey D's and eat double cheeseburgers. I could do that.

Personality, everything is a-OK, I believe. I'm just myself, not very talkative but not savage. If she finds a topic that I like, I WILL talk and argue and enjoy the ride. However, don't count on me to initiate convos. I don't like smalltalk, but I am knowledgeable on a variety of topics (thank you seclusion). If we were to talk about North Korea for example, I'd talk and argue about politics until there's nothing left to say on the subject. However, if she goes and talk about umm fashion or clothes or TV shows (don't watch much TV), I tend to spazz out and just reply with "yeah" or "sure" or "naw" or stuff along those lines. Sometimes, if I'm feeling generous, I'll try to reorient the conversation to something more fascinating.

I'm a good, romantic guy by nature. I do not have to force myself to think about stuff that could be romantic : I just do it. I can bring flowers out of the blue, buy her stuff she likes in a snap if we ever walk through a store, and so on. However, girls seem to think I'm just trying hard to be sweet, while in reality I'm not even trying and I don't want to restrain myself either, else I'd just feel bad

About physical contact...I don't pressure them to do anything, that's not my style. If they want to kiss me, they will (total = 0 ), or hug me (total = 1 :O), they will too. I don't like to pass off as Rico Suave, so I never try to get them without their consent (such as the huge cliché "yaaawwwn" to get your hand on her shoulders). I tend to ask before doing something (it never happened to me yet (didn't feel like when they obviously weren't into me), but I'm the kind of guy that goes "I feel like kissing you" instead of doing it right away).

Anyway, I believe that's about it. If you think I have stuff I should change, improve on, just tips or you feel like commenting (or telling me how you would react to me if you're a girl ;D), feel free to.

And thanks in advance!
I've had that problem, though I'm not quite as much a gentleman as you. I see it as "Girls don't want nice guys, women of late twenties or early 30's want nice guys." They're just after the next person to get into the sack and move on (I'm not saying ALL do it just a good few from my experience so don't message me saying "you women hating bastard")

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