i dont know
as i loose the will to live i just keep trying to find something to keep me going i would give anything just to not have to put up with any of this bull shit that i have to. work, the ass hole of a dad i have, school, just every thing buielding up and yet no way to get out of it that i knlow of. the only fun i have is runed by my dad. he allways puts a end to what i am doing no matter what it is. i try to keep intrested in something but he ends up just saying your addicted to it just like a fucking person is addected to. yet what am i supose to do just set in my room and do nothing. ya well that is why i started smoking i cant stand doing nothing so when he is like that to me i smoke while doing nothing else. and yet he gets on to me for that. look at what he dose drims himself to sleep and smoke all day. such a great life that he is showing me. i have gotten to the point where i cant stand to be around him i will do any thing to stay away from him. there has been a few times where i clamed i had to go to work and just drive soeme where and set there for hours and go home after he goes to bed. and yet with all this going on all i want is some down time just some time to myself, some time i can do what i want not what he makes me do. yet i dont even know who i am what i really want. i would give anything to be happy like the other people that i know. just live and not think of all the shit that you have to put up with. i dont know what keeps me here but what ever it is it is going to keep me here somehow. and yet i cry myself to sleep every night just like a little babby. i was on a antidepressent any yet they did not help any. as i set here crying and cant think streight and can not hit the right key half the time i just want to crall into a ball and get out of this place. i dont know what im saying here ,pre less i just need to talk to someone and i dont know who or why...............................