Re: i dont know what to call the title.
Firsty of all you should start seeing your psychiatrists every week or as often as you can until you get control of your depression. He can get you on anti-depressants to cure your depression.
If you keep doing the same things you are doing today you can only expect the same results in the future. So you HAVE TO change. Decide who you want to be and start living that life. You have nothing to loose by changing.