i dont know what to call the title.
recently i feel as though my life has gone way downhill. im angry and annoyed inside, and very depressed and emotional. i find it hard to explain my reasons for being how i am to my friends. i think it is because if they found out what i am really like they would not want to know me for longer.
when i'm with friends i'm just a normal kid. just hanging round with them and doing wateva in town etc.
but when i'm at home on my own, i'm a completely different person. if any of my friends found out what i was like, like now, theyd probly ditch me forever.
i am really angry at my life and the way it is. seeing my parents together makes me angry, theyve always been apart since i was young. things like being isolated and seeing my friends being successful or more popular gets to me a lot. i get jealous of them, get depressed and my mood just changes instantly although i try not to show it on the outside.
there's also a lot that has happened in my family over the last few years which has scarred me, probly for life. my parents have bawled at each other almost every weekend, i have been kicked out of my house twice (i had to sleep on the road one of the nites), and a lot of other incidents have happened at home or in my family.
it was all ok usually, cos my nan was there for me. she would help me out whenever i was feeling down. and now i just wish i had made the most of my time with her. because shes not here anymore.
this has all happened recently. it feels like everything is just piling and piling up, more and more stress and anger inside me. i have been for one on one appointments with psychiatrists. it worked for a while. then i went back to old ways again.
now is the worst its ever been. i have written suicide notes before sleeping praying that i wouldnt wake up. i have also attempted suicide twice. but i just couldnt.
as you can probly tell i need help. please give me some advice as to what i should do. because im a really twisted kid rite now and i dont want my life to go on like this for much longer.
suggestions. please. and i'll love you.x