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Old November 10th, 2006, 02:50 AM  
oujou
New Member
 
Join Date: November 10, 2006
Wink my story, my commitment, my solution

Depression pills I QUIT taking because I do not believe in them, I have other medical problems, low cerebral spinal fluid, I have constant migraines that cause my vision to darken with a heartbeat effect and when im forced to do things I dont want I black out or I get very aggressive and use force and usually end up punching holes, the pain causes a worse migraine and it builds. Thats my medical analysis. Heres my problem, or at least I hope can show me my problem.

I lost a bestfriend about 5 years ago on June 23rd at 9:13pm. We were at a party in the bay area where I had lived at and my friend had someone insult a girl me and him both loved but he was madly in love with. She like a sister to me. well he lost his temper and engaged in physical violence, tried to smack him around and make him aplogize well in a quiet frozen moment I look over and I see more than fighting, the other "kid" had pulled a handgun on my friend Ceij, well once I noticed I moved toward them both my hands up tellin the other guy it was cool and it was over with, well when I got close enough the guy with the gun was distracted by one of his friends tellin him to put the gun down, the guy turned around saw Cj back off and shot him twice 10 feet away from me once in the head once in the side of his neck. Cjs girl, Jasmine, my "sister" I loved alot. commited suicide 2 weeks after figuring out she was pregnant with his child, she wrote a note to me that says

" love is a flower, let it blossom but when the weather changes let it die. That flower will always show its true colors when the time is right. "

my parents divorced and brought me into the middle abusing me when I didnt do what they wanted, favoring my brothers and sister. They kicked me out when I was 16 but let me back in 2 months later when I threatened to call police. hated by everyone I have done right to or for. I calculated over 8,000 dollars I have spent to help people with their problems or to make life easier in some way and I have lost every single friend and am hated by all of them, I have 3 people tell me they wanna kill me so im constantly watching my back.

wanted you to get to know my story because im here to help others and me at the same time. just wanted you to know that life could get rough and sometimes extremely intolerable, but ive kept my head high, watched my problems build and my anger build even more. Im completely unstable but I maintain some type of stability by helping others,

so im here to help you to help me.

- Shawn
contact me at [email protected]
ps:all comments on what I can do to help my problems or to help me psychologically are extremely favored and appreciated.
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