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Old November 5th, 2006, 05:06 PM  
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*Dissident*'s Forum Picture
Join Date: March 20, 2006
Location: Tullahoma, TN
Age: 25
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Default Re: an Untitled story by my friend Catie and I

van gouge was the ear guy.

Just to make a suggestion about the overall writing style: Not to critisize, but i think the novel/story would be a lot easier to follow if 2 things happened:
A) ditch the storytelling. Sure, the people (ro and shamus) can narrate, and even take turns. There is actually a book written like that, called Revolution Starter, or something, a new release, you read 8 pages of one persons perspective, then flip the book around, and upside down, and read 8 pages pf the other persons. But all these personal touches, like the spelling Bee, and the details not related to the actual story get confusing and monotonous.
B) Add some more sensory details, whether through more complex nouns and verbs, or through similes and metaphors. It makes for a better, more flowing and less confusing read.

Just suggestions.

you can bomb the world to pieces
but you cant bomb it into peace

life is to short to make just on decision. musics to loud for just one station. love is to big for just one nation, and God is to big for just one religion

Come visit my diary, War is Hell!
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