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Old December 21st, 2010, 11:07 AM   #1
georgiamay
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Name: Georgia
Join Date: February 24, 2010
Location: uk
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Default hmmm... I doubt it.

So, today I saw my psychiatrist, and he gave me a booklet, and told me to read through it, and see how much I could relate to it when I got home, and to fill in my therapist at my next session. He doesn't know about most of the things that I talk about here, except the intrusive thoughts, but I refuse to go into detail with them to him.

So, the booklet was about OCD. It went on about obsessions and compulsions, and things like that. And I realised, I have obsessions, and a few compulsions, although the compulsions are minor little things.

I have really horrible intrusive thoughts. I won't go into them, because they're wrong in so many ways. But everytime I have them a little "what if?" pops into my head, and it won't go away. I get really scared that they will happen to me, or I will do it to someone else. I mean, I know that it's very unlikely to happen, and I know I won't do it to someone else, but the fear is always there.

When I get them, I walk up and down my bedroom for ages, and I get really restless. I won't stop fidgeting and as I walk up and down I touch the walls at each end, and touch anything in arms reach of me inbetween. I do this until the thoughts have gone away, and I feel a bit better. Also, I have to finish where I started, so if I start on the left side of my room, I won't stop at the right, I have to walk all the way back to the left side. Other times (like when I'm not in my bedroom), I'll get a pen and put a bracelet around it, and swing it really quickly, or I'll write my name over and over again in the back of my book if I'm at school. If none of these work, I'll resort to self harm, but that's unrelated.

I have a wierd thing with numbers as well. I only like multiples of 5, and odd numbers. But I'm fussy with the odd numbers. for example, if having the TV on a volume of 35 is too quite, but 40 is too loud, I have to put it on 37, even if it's not the right volume. 39 is too close to 40, it annoys me. I like odd numbers because I like the fact that if you work out the median, it has a whole middle number, and even numbers don't have that.

It's probably nothing, I think I just have a problem with anxiety or something. But I'd thought I'd post to get some opinions
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