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Old October 30th, 2006, 08:16 PM  
schrei jess
Awesome Poster
 
Join Date: October 5, 2006
Age: 25
Gender: Undisclosed
Default Re: Nothing makes me happy anymore.

I dont think Ive ever had a friend who understood me completely and would try to help me. The best friend I had would at least listen, but she's gone now - she's turned into a conceited, cruel bitch like everyone else. Ive got a few friends left but they arent really good friends, I cant tell them anything important.

And I think about suicide all the time, too. I do the same thing every day like you do. Wake up, go to school (and I dont do work I just sit), come home, sit on the computer, hate myself, shower, go to bed, repeat. On friday I took 12 benadryl just to see what the trip would be like (yes, this is relevent), and when I was swallowing those 12 pills one after another, all I could think about was - what if these were sleeping pills? I hated thinking about that. After you swallow those pills, you cant go back. It's been done. Suicide is permanent, and I dont like that. It seems like such a great idea, but no one REALLY knows what comes after life, and Im a christian I believe in God and heaven, but we all have some doubt. Who knows, the after life could be worse then what's going on now. So dont kill yourself, it seems great now, but think about it REALLY hard, it isnt a great choice at all.

Edit: And I know that I sound like Im really tough and can handle all these emotions - I cant. Im the weakest person you'll find. I just bury everything so deep down inside that it cant ever be found again, and it grows and grows so much to where you cant go back and take it out. I wish I could cry and let all this out, but I cant. I dont want to deal with any of this. And my weakness shows, I cut myself, I drug my self up - that's not being tough, that's being weak and Im running away from my problems. But it's all I know to do.

I DO NOT GO ON HERE ANYMORE. I HAVE LEFT THIS PLACE FOR GOOD AND DON'T INTEND ON COMING BACK. PLEASE DON'T FRIEND REQUEST ME, PRIVATE MESSAGE ME, OR ANYTHING BECAUSE I WILL NEVER SEE IT AND YOU'LL NEVER GET A RESPONSE. THANK YOU.

Last edited by schrei jess; October 30th, 2006 at 08:19 PM.
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