View Single Post
Old November 4th, 2010, 09:29 PM   #1
opaque
New Member
 
Join Date: November 4, 2010
Gender: Male
Default it will all be my fault.

hi everyone, this is my first post so im kind of nervous haha
i think i have ocd but i would like someone elses opinion
for most of my life i have had a severe phobia of fire alarms/drills. i know it sounds crazy but there hasnt been a day that i havent worried about it. everyday at school i have horrible thoughts about them, the anxiety of possibly being startled, the anxiety that it could happen at any moment. i have obsessed over every single detail of a fire drill, i know how many we have a year, the pattern we have them in, the months, etc.
on top of that i have done very obsessive things my entire life. i feel like if i dont touch things, move things etc. something horrible will happen and it will all be my fault i.e a fire. its like the butterfly affect, the flap of a butterfly's wing can change everything. it started when i was toddler with my hands not feeling "equal" for example, if i touched a pole with one hand, i had to turn around and touch it with the other or i would get this horrible feeling that something bad would happen. i move simple objects like pens or cups around because i have thoughts that if they touch eachother they could be ruined or something. i check all of the outlets in my room because i fear that if i dont a fire will start. i smell my fingers (i know, weird) all day. if they smell of anything, i have to wash my hands, or rub them on my pants, or do something to stop the unbalance. i know that these things aren't normal, but there's a part in me that makes me do it. almost everyday i have to doublecheck that i have shut every door again in fear of something going wrong. after a shower i worry that water will go through the floor and touch a wire on the first floor and start a fire. i know some of these things are pointless and not serious, but sometimes the anxiety is too much. there is always this constant worry that something horrible will happen because of me not moving an inanimate object or something. it haunts me all day everyday. i would appreciate anyones opinions on if i have ocd, or what i should do. thanks so much!
opaque is offline