View Single Post
Old October 10th, 2006, 08:57 PM  
Jean Poutine
Awesome Poster
 
Jean Poutine's Forum Picture
 
Name: Tony
Join Date: September 27, 2006
Location: Canada
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 8
Default A poem about my fear of intimacy/sex

So, for once I felt in a creative mood today, so I've decided to whip a little something up to let stuff out. But, being how I am, I couldn't do it without a little challenge. The 3 "paragraphs" (dunno how to call them in English) all contain 10 "lines" (again, dunno). The trick is, every line in each paragraph rhymes, so it gives me only 3 finals to work on.

The only thing is that I wrote it in French : ( so if you look at the text, some rhymes might seem weird to you (like "poids" et "joie"). If you know French, that's great, but if you don't, I'll translate it below. Nobody likes translated poetry though, and I'll lose all my rhymes in the process That's what I get for not having English as a mother tongue.

Like I said, it speaks about my fear for intimacy/sex/inexperience, but also how I think I would react to such a situation.

Anyway, here goes (in French first) :

Ces étoiles si brillantes
Ces étoiles si filantes
Cette lumière si calmante
Cette lumière si dansante
Cette fille si charmante
Cette fille si ravissante
Ces lèvres si envoûtantes
Ces lèvres si luisantes
Cette occasion si puissante
Cette occasion si épeurante

Oui, j'ai peur de toi
J'ai peur de la joie
Je ne crois pas en moi
Je ne suis pas adroit
Je ne fais pas le poids
Je suis plein d'effroi
Un amoureux en émoi
Mais un amoureux froid
Froid comme de la soie
Mais doux de surcroît

Pourquoi te faire souffrir
Il vaut mieux en finir
Je n'ai pas le loisir
De pouvoir choisir
Il vaut mieux consentir
Avant de s'engourdir
Je te regarde frémir
Je t'entends gémir
Accablée de plaisir
Enfin nous pouvons jouir

...Ensemble

---

Then, that's in English :

These shiny stars
These shooting stars
This calming light
This dansing light
This charming girl
This beautiful girl
These appealing* lips
These glossy** lips
This powerful occasion
This frightful occasion

Yes, I'm scared of you
I fear happiness
I don't believe in myself
I'm not very skillful
I won't make it***
I'm full of fear
A lover in agitation
But a frigid lover****
Cold like silk
Tender at the same time*****

Why make you suffer
Better get it done
I don't have the leisure
Of being able to choose
I'd better consent
Before we become numb
I'm watching you quiver
I'm hearing you moan******
Overwhelmed with pleasure
Finally we can enjoy it*******

...Together

Rereading it in English, it sounds so much better in French...much more poetic/leterary/pleasant to the ears. I could record it, maybe? XD As I said, that's what I get for not speaking English as a first language. Anyway, below are some foot notes on things that escaped my grasp of the English language.

---

*note : no English equivalent (I looked everywhere!), so I just took the closest thing that wasn't "charming"

**note : same thing, here "luisante" refers to a "wet" kind of shine/gloss, like on wet (not drooly though, that's ), lipstick'd lips

***note : "ne pas faire le poids" : French idiom that means "to not be able to match to expectations"

****note : French wordplay, I don't know if it works in English. In French, "lover" can also mean "boyfriend/girlfriend" (although from what I saw in English, the "sexual" meaning took the place of the other). Second definition is first instance, sexual one is second instance

*****note : "doux" =/= "tender", French idiom that doesn't match English context

******note : more vulgar than the French equivalent (in which "gémir" is actually kind of a literary word), but works nonetheless

*******note : EXTREMELY crude translation, "jouir" is used in all sort of contexts in French, even in the highest levels, and I could find no English word that matched the word perfectly ("come", "jizz" etc are too vulgar and "orgasm" isn't quite it). "to enjoy" is the best thing I could find, but it still doesn't come that close.
Jean Poutine is offline   Reply With Quote