Wow you are SUCH a gentleman! That is great, it really is. Now, girls should appreciate what you do, I know I would. But maybe you're coming on a little too strong, even though you want the opposite of that.
Okay the door thing is very nice, I love that and I always say thanks (and I really hate it when a woman holds open a door for a man and he says nothing, that is just RUDE).
On the paying situation, just go ahead and assume you'll pay for her but if she starts to pay for herself, you could say something like, "Dont worry about it, I want you pay for you". Maybe they think you're just saying you'll pay to be nice or whatever but if you let them know that you want to, they'll be less insistant on paying. But if she really wants to, just go ahead and let her. And when you go thru stores with them, dont just jump right up and buy them everything they like, if they mention something they really like, you could secretly buy it and give it to her as a gift at the end of the date or on your next date with her, because I can see how you might seem like you're trying to buy your way to her heart.
And you're doing a good job with asking before just doing on the physical stuff. But maybe dont do the hand thing? Personally I do think it is very old fashion, but if that is your true style, keep doing it, no harm really. And not all girls will kiss you or hug you if they want to, we're shy too! If you get to a point where things are going really well and she seems to be into you as much as you are, a quick kiss on the cheek wouldnt do much harm, would it? But if you dont feel comfortable doing it, keep doing it your way
Hope that helped.