Re: WTF is wrong with me?
I strongly advise that you dont kill yourself, i know that you might think that you are protecting people by doing this and saving them from pain but think about the people who care about you, imagine what it would do to them.
What i would do is go see a councilor and she will find the source of the problem and help you. In the mean time try and stay strong and try avoiding these thourghts by keeping busy and try not to masturbate as it is 'feeding the fuel that you need for the fire'.
Best of luck to you, you have done the hard part more or less but it aint going to be easy.