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opaque November 4th, 2010 09:29 PM

it will all be my fault.
hi everyone, this is my first post so im kind of nervous haha :whoops:
i think i have ocd but i would like someone elses opinion
for most of my life i have had a severe phobia of fire alarms/drills. i know it sounds crazy but there hasnt been a day that i havent worried about it. everyday at school i have horrible thoughts about them, the anxiety of possibly being startled, the anxiety that it could happen at any moment. i have obsessed over every single detail of a fire drill, i know how many we have a year, the pattern we have them in, the months, etc.
on top of that i have done very obsessive things my entire life. i feel like if i dont touch things, move things etc. something horrible will happen and it will all be my fault i.e a fire. its like the butterfly affect, the flap of a butterfly's wing can change everything. it started when i was toddler with my hands not feeling "equal" for example, if i touched a pole with one hand, i had to turn around and touch it with the other or i would get this horrible feeling that something bad would happen. i move simple objects like pens or cups around because i have thoughts that if they touch eachother they could be ruined or something. i check all of the outlets in my room because i fear that if i dont a fire will start. i smell my fingers (i know, weird) all day. if they smell of anything, i have to wash my hands, or rub them on my pants, or do something to stop the unbalance. i know that these things aren't normal, but there's a part in me that makes me do it. almost everyday i have to doublecheck that i have shut every door again in fear of something going wrong. after a shower i worry that water will go through the floor and touch a wire on the first floor and start a fire. i know some of these things are pointless and not serious, but sometimes the anxiety is too much. there is always this constant worry that something horrible will happen because of me not moving an inanimate object or something. it haunts me all day everyday. i would appreciate anyones opinions on if i have ocd, or what i should do. thanks so much!

Syvelocin November 4th, 2010 09:37 PM

Re: it will all be my fault.
If I don't _____, then something horrible will happen.

That is usually what I look for in a true case of OCD, versus other signs, when I see "do I have OCD" posts. Since doing some things just because is usually a sign they're more of a neat freak, someone who likes things organized, or just a highly anxious person, but when there is an ingrained consequence in your mind that you think will occur if you don't do whatever, there's a high chance you do have OCD. Do you? Not certainly. But it sounds spot-on from my perspective, and I've been diagnosed OCD for years.

As far as what you should do, see a professional. They can confirm if they think you have OCD, and also get you on some anxiety meds if they see fit.

Good luck hun :)

opaque November 4th, 2010 09:43 PM

Re: it will all be my fault.
thank you so much for your support! finally somebody who understands.
but yea, i worry all day about things happening if i dont do something. one of my close friend's brother has ocd and she noticed me smelling my fingers and she was the first person to ever bring it up. im embarrassed to talk about it with anyone because i dont want to seem crazy or something. i understand these things are irrational but i cant stop. ugggg its so hard sometimes. im expecting a fire drill soon, and everyday i can almost here it going off and it gets me completely worked up. i wish i could just be carefree like everyone else. everyday is this constant worry and struggle :(

Syvelocin November 6th, 2010 10:52 AM

Re: it will all be my fault.
I've always just gotten it in my head that this is me, not a mental disorder. Because I'm not the mental disorder. Okay, I do a few things that are odd to some people, and think things that many people don't. But you can't let that get to you. It's just a character quirk.

It sounds like the fire drill anxiety could interfere with concentration in school. When the OCD conflicts with your functioning and day-to-day life, then it becomes something you want to see about getting taken care of sooner than later. I do still recommend seeing a psychiatrist or therapist. Therapy and really help trying to cope with the anxiety by yourself, and a psychiatrist and get you on some anxiety meds if they see fit, which can really help in the long run.

Take care hun :)

Roar December 28th, 2010 03:24 PM

Re: it will all be my fault.
Sometimes I feel like that, but with me it is a little different.
I always check that every door in the house is locked even if I'm not the only one home. I feel like someone is going to try to break in.
Also, sometimes I get scared to touch things, especially door handles, because I fear that someone who was sick or someone who didn't wash their hands after going to the bathroom touched it.
It doesn't interfere too much with my daily life, but I can definitely relate to your problems. :o

georgiamay December 28th, 2010 04:34 PM

Re: it will all be my fault.
please don't bump old threads. Check the dates of the previous replies before posting. :locked:

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