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Specter May 7th, 2009 06:27 PM

Abuse Help Guide
 
Personal Note:

Hello everyone and welcome to my thread, here you’ll get an in-depth look at what abuse really is and the long term affects of it. Please feel free to post comments and feel free to add information.

What Is Abuse?

Amy's finger was so swollen that she couldn't get her ring off. She didn't think her finger was broken because she could still bend it. It had been a week since her dad shoved her into the wall, but her finger still hurt a lot.
Amy hated the way her dad called her names and accused her of all sorts of things she didn't do, especially after he had been drinking. It was the worst feeling and she just kept hoping he would stop.

Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, or a combination of any or all of those. Neglect — when parents or guardians don't take care of the basic needs of the children who depend on them — can also be a form of abuse.

Physical abuse

is often the most easily spotted form of abuse. It may be any kind of hitting, shaking, burning, pinching, biting, choking, throwing, beating, and other actions that cause physical injury, leave marks, or produce significant physical pain.
Sexual abuse


Is any type of sexual contact between an adult and anyone younger than 18, or between a significantly older child and a younger child. If a family member sexually abuses another family member, this is called incest.
Emotional abuse


Can be difficult to pin down because there may not be physical signs. Emotional abuse happens when yelling and anger go too far or when parents constantly criticize, threaten, or dismiss kids or teens until their self-esteem and feelings of self-worth are damaged. Emotional abuse can hurt and cause damage just as physical abuse does.
Neglect


Is probably the hardest type of abuse to define. Neglect occurs when a child or teen doesn't have adequate food, housing, clothes, medical care, or supervision. Emotional neglect happens when a parent doesn't provide enough emotional support or deliberately and consistently pays very little or no attention to a child. But it's not neglect if a parent doesn't give a kid something he or she wants, like a new computer or a cell phone.

Family violence can affect anyone. It can happen in any kind of family. Sometimes parents abuse each other, which can be hard for a child to witness. Some parents abuse their kids by using physical or verbal cruelty as a way of discipline.

Abuse doesn't just happen in families, of course. Bullying is a form of abusive behaviour. Bullying someone through intimidation, threats, or humiliation can be just as abusive as beating someone up. People who bully others may have been abused themselves. This is also true of people who abuse someone they're dating. But being abused is no excuse for abusing someone else.

Abuse can also take the form of hate crimes directed at people just because of their race, religion, abilities, gender, or sexual orientation.

Recognizing Abuse

It may sound strange, but people sometimes have trouble recognizing that they are being abused. Recognizing abuse may be especially difficult for someone who has lived with it for many years. A person might think that it's just the way things are and that there's nothing that can be done. People who are abused might mistakenly think they bring it on themselves by not acting right or by not living up to someone's expectations.

Someone growing up in a family where there is violence or abuse may not know that there are other ways for family members to treat each other. A person who has only known an abusive relationship may mistakenly think that hitting, beating, pushing, shoving, or angry name-calling are perfectly normal ways to treat someone when you're mad. Seeing parents treat each other in abusive ways might lead a child to think that's a normal relationship. But abuse is not a normal or healthy way to treat people.

If you're not sure you are being abused, or if you suspect a friend is, it's always OK to ask a trusted adult or friend.

Why Does It Happen?

If you're one of the thousands of people living in an abusive situation, it can help to understand why some people abuse — and to realize that the violence is not your fault. Sometimes abusers manipulate the people they are abusing by telling them they did something wrong or "asked for it" in some way. But that's not true. There is no single reason why people abuse others.

Some factors seem to make it more likely that a person may become abusive.
Growing up in an abusive family is one factor. Other people become abusive because they're not able to manage their feelings properly. For example, someone who is unable to control anger or can't cope with stressful personal situations (like the loss of a job or marriage problems) may lash out at others inappropriately. Alcohol or drug use also can make it difficult for some people to control their actions.

Certain types of personality disorders or mental illness might also interfere with a person's ability to relate to others in healthy ways or cause people to have problems with aggression or self-control. Of course, not everyone with a personality disorder or mental illness becomes abusive. Fortunately, abuse can always be corrected. Everyone can learn how to stop.

What Are the Effects of Abuse?

When people are abused, it can affect every aspect of their lives, especially self-esteem. How much abuse harms a person depends on the situation and sometimes on how severe the abuse is. Sometimes a seemingly minor thing can trigger a big reaction. Being touched inappropriately by a family member, for example, can be very confusing and traumatic.

Every family has arguments. In fact, it's rare when a family doesn't have some rough times, disagreements, and anger. Punishments and discipline — like removing privileges, grounding, or being sent to your room — are normal. Yelling and anger are normal in parent–teen relationships too — although it can feel pretty bad to have an argument with a parent or friend. But if punishments, arguments, or yelling go too far or last too long it can lead to stress and other serious problems.

Teens who are abused (or have been in the past) often have trouble sleeping, eating, and concentrating. They may not do well at school because they are angry or frightened, or because they can't concentrate or don't care.

Many people who are abused distrust others. They may feel a lot of anger toward other people and themselves, and it can be hard to make friends. Abuse is a significant cause of depression in young people. Some teens may engage in self-destructive behavior, such as cutting or abusing drugs or alcohol. They may even attempt suicide.

It's normal for people who have been abused to feel upset, angry, and confused about what happened to them. They may feel guilty and embarrassed and blame themselves. But abuse is never the fault of the person who is being abused, no matter how much the abuser tries to blame others.

Abusers may manipulate a person into keeping quiet by saying stuff like: "This is a secret between you and me," or "If you ever tell anybody, I'll hurt you or your mom," or "You're going to get in trouble if you tell. No one will believe you and you'll go to jail for lying." This is the abuser's way of making a person feel like nothing can be done so he or she won't report the abuse.

People who are abused may have trouble getting help because it means they'd be reporting on someone they love — someone who may be wonderful much of the time and awful to them only some of the time. A person might be afraid of the consequences of reporting, either because they fear the abuser or the family is financially dependent on that person. For reasons like these, abuse often goes unreported.

What Should Someone Who's Being Abused Do?

People who are being abused need to get help. Keeping the abuse a secret doesn't protect anyone from being abused — it only makes it more likely that the abuse will continue.
If you or anyone you know is being abused, talk to someone you or your friend can trust — a family member, a trusted teacher, a doctor, or a school or religious youth counsellor. Many teachers and counsellors have training in how to recognize and report abuse.

Telephone directories list local child abuse and family violence hotline numbers that you can call for help. There's also Childhelp USA at (800) 4-A-CHILD ([800] 422-4453).

Sometimes people who are being abused by someone in their own home need to find a safe place to live temporarily. It is never easy to have to leave home, but it's sometimes necessary to be protected from further abuse. People who need to leave home to stay safe can find local shelters listed in the phone book or they can contact an abuse helpline. Sometimes a person can stay with a relative or friend.

People who are being abused often feel afraid, numb, or lonely. Getting help and support is an important first step toward changing the situation. Many teens who have experienced abuse find that painful emotions may linger even after the abuse stops. Working with a therapist is one way to sort through the complicated feelings and reactions that being abused creates, and the process can help to rebuild feelings of safety, confidence, and self-esteem.

BuryYourFlame May 10th, 2009 08:05 AM

Re: Abuse Help Guide
 
Domestic Violence/Crisis Hotlines:

AUS: 1 800 55 1800
UK: 0800 800 500
Wales: 0808 100 2524
Canada: 1 800 668 6868
USA: 800 656 4673

If you have any more numbers/corrections, please PM me with them, so we can keep them in one place.

I'm gonna sticky this, I think it is important for people to see.

Triceratops May 10th, 2009 02:04 PM

Re: Abuse Help Guide
 
I wanted to make this into a sticky, but I wasn't sure if we were allowed or not. :P

But Declan already did it. :D

Specter May 10th, 2009 06:06 PM

Re: Abuse Help Guide
 
Thanks for stickying my thread, I appreciate it. :)

TigerLily May 10th, 2009 06:25 PM

Re: Abuse Help Guide
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Specter (Post 507174)
It may sound strange, but people sometimes have trouble recognizing that they are being abused.

Recognizing abuse may be especially difficult for someone who has lived with it for many years.

Many people who are abused distrust others.

It's normal for people who have been abused to feel upset, angry, and confused about what happened to them.

People who are being abused often feel afraid, numb, or lonely.

Many teens who have experienced abuse find that painful emotions may linger even after the abuse stops.

Wow, I can relate to a lot of this, especially the quotes (having suffered emotional abuse, verbal abuse, neglect and near physical abuse at the hands of my mother for as long as I can remember - don't live with her any longer so its looking better now tho :) ). Great post, Specter :)
Just for everyone to know that there is life after abuse, and that you can come through it the other side a stronger person. There's a happier future waiting for all who have suffered abuse, and that's the hope that has helped me so much over the years :)

rukiayua October 1st, 2009 04:36 PM

Re: Abuse Help Guide
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by TigerLily (Post 509879)
Wow, I can relate to a lot of this, especially the quotes (having suffered emotional abuse, verbal abuse, neglect and near physical abuse at the hands of my mother for as long as I can remember - don't live with her any longer so its looking better now tho :) ). Great post, Specter :)
Just for everyone to know that there is life after abuse, and that you can come through it the other side a stronger person. There's a happier future waiting for all who have suffered abuse, and that's the hope that has helped me so much over the years :)

wow that's great, im kinda strugglin with it, but that is great!!!!!!!! just to kno that there is something more to this life....i've never heard someone thats been so positive.....well actually, i've never heard anything from anyone that's been through this and have some support and that they really mean it...thats great!!:console:

Sapphire October 2nd, 2009 05:20 AM

Re: Abuse Help Guide
 
Just want to add that sexual abuse is the occurrence of unwanted sexual contact between two people. The two people involved can be the same age or even in adulthood.

Specter October 6th, 2009 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TigerLily (Post 509879)
Wow, I can relate to a lot of this, especially the quotes (having suffered emotional abuse, verbal abuse, neglect and near physical abuse at the hands of my mother for as long as I can remember - don't live with her any longer so its looking better now tho :) ). Great post, Specter :)
Just for everyone to know that there is life after abuse, and that you can come through it the other side a stronger person. There's a happier future waiting for all who have suffered abuse, and that's the hope that has helped me so much over the years :)

I'm actually so happy to hear this! Thanks for supporting it means a lot! :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by rukiayua (Post 657743)
wow that's great, im kinda strugglin with it, but that is great!!!!!!!! just to kno that there is something more to this life....i've never heard someone thats been so positive.....well actually, i've never heard anything from anyone that's been through this and have some support and that they really mean it...thats great!!:console:

If at anytime you wish to talk with me about anything your struggling with just pm me or if you just want someone to talk to, Iím your man.

Thanks for the support! :yeah:

If you have multiple quotes, use "multiquote" or "edit" merged by Addison

Asylum December 30th, 2009 03:27 AM

Re: Abuse Help Guide
 
thanx for the post i can definately relate a lot to it

XxHaViiK December 30th, 2009 03:45 AM

Re: Abuse Help Guide
 
Having been through severe abuse, I can relate to much of this. Excellent thread.

Evermore February 27th, 2010 01:48 AM

Re: Abuse Help Guide
 
Does emotional abuse really count? I thought it was just yelling? All parents did it? Right?

Sapphire February 27th, 2010 04:01 AM

Re: Abuse Help Guide
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by lanceworren (Post 800104)
Does emotional abuse really count? I thought it was just yelling? All parents did it? Right?

There is a big difference between a parent shouting at you because you've misbehaved and a parent shouting at you because they are emotionally abusive. Both hurt, but one is reasonable and the other isn't.
Emotional abuse can leave a person in fear of physical violence and believing that they are worthless where as being shouted at for misbehaving doesn't.

Evermore February 27th, 2010 03:25 PM

Re: Abuse Help Guide
 
Hmm... It sounds like it would be hard to determine the difference. The whole worthless speech comes from my mom and she does scare the baby when she's on here rant's. But she tells us we make her yell lie this and that it wouldn't happen if we behaved. Is there like a mixture between the two or is this just normal parent stuff?

Sapphire February 28th, 2010 04:37 AM

Re: Abuse Help Guide
 
I know rather little about verbal abuse, let alone the intricacies of how it differs from normal parenting.
Maybe someone who has been through it might be able to help you better than I.

songboy March 3rd, 2010 02:54 PM

Re: Abuse Help Guide
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by TigerLily (Post 509879)
Wow, I can relate to a lot of this, especially the quotes (having suffered emotional abuse, verbal abuse, neglect and near physical abuse at the hands of my mother for as long as I can remember - don't live with her any longer so its looking better now tho :) ). Great post, Specter :)
Just for everyone to know that there is life after abuse, and that you can come through it the other side a stronger person. There's a happier future waiting for all who have suffered abuse, and that's the hope that has helped me so much over the years :)

so can I I get abued alot

Evermore March 6th, 2010 03:07 PM

Re: Abuse Help Guide
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by lijrobert (Post 805491)
so can I I get abued alot

??? It's possible, you don't want to though?

BuryYourFlame March 6th, 2010 06:36 PM

Re: Abuse Help Guide
 
I think the user left out the important comma.

I take it to mean: 'So can I, I get abused a lot.'

HotJuan April 19th, 2010 01:49 PM

Re: Abuse Help Guide
 
I used to get physically abused by my stepfather. But my brother still does. THATS NOT EVEN HIS FATHER!!! my mom doesn't do anything, she just sits there. Any advice on what should I do??

XxMurderedKissesxX July 7th, 2010 08:52 PM

Re: Abuse Help Guide
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by DJuanHS (Post 858496)
I used to get physically abused by my stepfather. But my brother still does. THATS NOT EVEN HIS FATHER!!! my mom doesn't do anything, she just sits there. Any advice on what should I do??

I have been abused all my life. The one thing ive always wanted somone to do would be to tell someone about whats going on, To show they cared enough to try and help me escape this hell. U said u were abused, U know how horrible it is. Tell someone.

IDon'tLikeUsernames May 7th, 2011 07:49 AM

Re: Abuse Help Guide
 
I was abused physically and emotionally by my ex-step-father throughout middle school. While it's been two years since I've last seen him, it did leave an affect on me. It wasn't only me; it was also my mother and brother as well. What helped me was telling my friends about it and sticking close to my mom and brother.


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