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-   -   How did you notice/bring it up? (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=221735)

Deleted User March 1st, 2015 06:13 PM

How did you notice/bring it up?
 
I'm getting really bad. I've always been kinda obsessive but not in a way I thought was a mental illness. But OCD is co-morbid with basically everything I have so a part of me just wonders...

I worry a lot. I've been diagnosed with multiple anxiety disorders so another would not be surprising. I've always thought bad things would happen. I've been terrified of fires, home invasions, etc, so I'd go around checking the locks, making sure everything was turned off, etc. I thought I was just being a safe kid in a not-so-safe city. I still have nightmares about these things and I can't stop thinking about them. And it's intrusive. It freaks me the fuck out and I do take anti-anxiety medication so it's toned down a bit but now I'm getting worse with other things, like hand washing.

I never liked to get dirty but I was kinda "eh" about washing my hands when I was younger. I'm washing my hands about ten times a day, if not more. My hands are always dry. Won't be a bad thing for work 'cause I'll be working with food and hand washing there is obsessive anyway. But I feel like I'll just get more freaked out. I can't touch certain kinds of food. I can't touch garbage cans, even the clean sides. I so much as feel something on my hands I don't recognize, I have to wash them. And if I'm in my kitchen, I can't dry my hands with the towels under the sink, 'cause they're right next to the garbage can or I feel like I have to wash my hands again because they're "contaminated" so to speak. I get all... itchy? Like my skin is crawling, if I try not to wash my hands. Like when I'm cooking, a bit of egg white won't kill me but I get antsy if it's not off my hands fast enough. And I don't understand why. I shouldn't get anxious about stuff touching me. But I do and it's like it's worse suddenly and I don't even know when it started. I'm trying not to do things like use specifically different towels or wash my hands after touching every single thing but I just feel so very wrong if I don't. I almost want to start wearing gloves to do certain things but someone would notice.

I've always had quirks and I figured, eh, it's not a big deal, I'm just fussy. But this is now noticeably interfering with things. If I'm away from home, I start obsessively trying to wipe my hands clean on my clothes. It's just my hands but... ugh. I don't like it. I feel gross and wrong and worried and I have no idea where this is coming from. Should I just try to snap out of it or how do I even bring this up? "Hey doc, I wash my hands a lot and it's scaring me"?

Ugh. I don't want OCD on top of everything else. I can't deal with another thing stressing me out.

Horatio Nelson March 1st, 2015 06:25 PM

Re: How did you notice/bring it up?
 
This is me exactly. I've pretty much just come to terms with the fact that I have OCD despite never being diagnosed.

I wash my hands so much I always have dry skin, and I can never use hand towels, because I know other people use them. So instead I use paper towels. I have a few other OCD quirks too, like quadruple checking locks, thinking that car driving past is gonna shoot me, and other wired shit that I try to ignore. It's kind of hard for me to pinpoint a lot of weird stuff I do, because I'm so used to it, but I'm sure if someone else watched me they'd think I was crazy. I also am always worried I'm gonna lose my wallet or my phone, I constantly check my pockets.

I don't know what a doctor could do? Plus I'll never talk to one about it, last thing I need is people thinking I have some mental illness.

Writing this has made me extremely self conscious.

Deleted User March 1st, 2015 07:26 PM

Re: How did you notice/bring it up?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Horatio Nelson (Post 3077263)
This is me exactly. I've pretty much just come to terms with the fact that I have OCD despite never being diagnosed.

I wash my hands so much I always have dry skin, and I can never use hand towels, because I know other people use them. So instead I use paper towels. I have a few other OCD quirks too, like quadruple checking locks, thinking that car driving past is gonna shoot me, and other wired shit that I try to ignore. It's kind of hard for me to pinpoint a lot of weird stuff I do, because I'm so used to it, but I'm sure if someone else watched me they'd think I was crazy. I also am always worried I'm gonna lose my wallet or my phone, I constantly check my pockets.

I don't know what a doctor could do? Plus I'll never talk to one about it, last thing I need is people thinking I have some mental illness.

Writing this has made me extremely self conscious.

Don't be self-conscious. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Pretty much everyone knows I'm mentally ill because I'm pretty open about it. It's just... eh, when new issues come up or things I've never talked about get worse, I always get worried about sharing them.

My doctor would probably start trying to put me in therapy or do some of it with me herself. She already has me on the same medications that should help with this stuff so I'm not sure why this is acting up so bad.

I have no idea how to bring it up, even with an appointment fairly soon, I think.

Horatio Nelson March 2nd, 2015 11:30 AM

Re: How did you notice/bring it up?
 
I would hate to take therapy.

Yeah, I don't really like to admit that I'm fucked up, but I kind of am.

Deleted User March 5th, 2015 11:32 AM

Re: How did you notice/bring it up?
 
I just feel like I should mention this to my doctor. I don't know how though. It's sorta assumed that everything is under control and okay but I don't want to bring up another issue and I sort of just want to leave it like... it's just handwashing and some other stupid crap, it can't be that bad, right?

tasminsmith March 10th, 2015 03:20 PM

Re: How did you notice/bring it up?
 
I think I might and both my aunties have it, but im way to embarrassed to tell anyone


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