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Andre.w123 August 9th, 2018 05:16 AM

A form of pocd.
I turned to this forum because I can't take it anymore.
I suffered from OCD before(hocd, I constantly kept washing my hands to not impregnate or poison someone, used to think that I'm a necrophile, rapist etc etc)
but none of my ocd's were that bad as this one.
I'm 16 years old, and that age, it is normal to question your sexuality, but not suffering from this, I think...
I'm tired of crying everyday because of that and I turned to this forum, please help me.
So the obsession goes like this. The weird part is that I'm aware that I'm not a pedophile, because to be brutally honest, I don't feel any atraction to kids.
I can't relate to other pedophiles, and I don't want to make sex with children.
The compulsion goes like this:
Everyday I have to breath while thinking about a girl that I like and then think about a little girl. While thinking about the little girl I feel anxious.
I draw circles on paper while thinking of a girl that I like, then I draw them while thinking of a child. If the circle that was drawn while thinking to a child
is different, then I imediattely say' oh what if im a pedophile?'
Then I try to see how masturbating to it feels. While masturbating to a girl I like, as it would be obvious, pleasure is felt and the sexual organ is erected.
While trying to masturbate to a little girl, all erection is lost, and a kind of tickle is felt, like that tickle when you know you do something bad and it's considered taboo.
The ticle feels different than a normal masturbation, it doesen't feel nothing at all and it's just my mind trying to 'feel' something and then I repeteadly ask myself
But the thing is I don't feel any sexual attraction to children !
Why I'm feeling this ?
I talked with my parents about this and they just told me to calm down, because usually that happens when you fear something.
But I can't get rid of the intrusive thoughts and the fact that I may be a pedophile...
please help, I'm going insane.

Katie2003 August 9th, 2018 08:35 AM

Re: A form of pocd.
I'm 15 and have OCD as well. Are you attending a therapist for your issues? That's the best course of action, to have a responsible professional to sit with and discuss feelings and work on ways to lessen the OCD. Self-diagnosis is frowned on by professionals and they are here to help us understand why we get those feelings and how to avoid responding to them.

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