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-   -   Loss of a parent (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=2039859)

Vermilion September 3rd, 2017 01:16 PM

Loss of a parent
 
So I lost my Dad July 4th this year and I think I'm doing ok with coping but I do have times were it hits me hard. So if you have lost a parent how did you deal with it ? How long does it take to feel normal without having them in your life ?

Many
Thanks

jamie_n5 September 3rd, 2017 02:30 PM

Re: Loss of a parent
 
I don't think you will ever be the same. It is hard to explain but you have lost a major part of your life. Your parents are the backbone of your childhood. All the support and things you learned and the companionship. I could go on but as we both know the list is endless. I haven't lost my parents yet, thank God, but I have lost all but one grandparent and I lost my little brother to cancer. So I can kind of feel the void and hurt you are going through. I also have two friends that lost their fathers when we were in elementary school and know what they went through. I still think about my brother almost every day. It's been almost 13 years ago. You will have your dad in your heart and memories forever. You have my deepest sympathy my friend.

Vermilion September 3rd, 2017 02:33 PM

Re: Loss of a parent
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by jamie_n5 (Post 3568150)
I don't think you will ever be the same. It is hard to explain but you have lost a major part of your life. Your parents are the backbone of your childhood. All the support and things you learned and the companionship. I could go on but as we both know the list is endless. I haven't lost my parents yet, thank God, but I have lost all but one grandparent and I lost my little brother to cancer. So I can kind of feel the void and hurt you are going through. I also have two friends that lost their fathers when we were in elementary school and know what they went through. I still think about my brother almost every day. It's been almost 13 years ago. You will have your dad in your heart and memories forever. You have my deepest sympathy my friend.

Thank you :hug:

Just JT September 3rd, 2017 05:17 PM

Re: Loss of a parent
 
Yeah....it's a hard loss. I basically lost both.
My dad in a car crash, coming up on 3 years now. I miss him every day. Some most than others. It's a grieving process I think. And it's different for everyone. So if your feeling this way or that way and think it's different, weird, wrong or whatever, stop thinking that way. Cause it's a normal process

How did I deal with it? Lots of ways. Mostly through anger, violence, fighting, and doing a shit ton of property damage. Not the way I'd suggest. But for me there was so much other things all wrapped up in my life that all came to head at the same time. I look back and I'm actually surprised I didn't do any self harm or just kill myself. But I didn't see that as an option. Think many would have. I found some kinda solace in hurting others or their things. But I'm not that way anymore.

I been in therapy since my life has stabilized after his death. And probably will for life with how I see things. And that's not a bad thing either. Like I said, everyone deals with death differently. As hard as I know it is, and sucks to say cause it's hard, but embrace it bro. Look at it face to face eye to eye and don't let it get you down. Stand up to whatever's getting you down, talk to people. Tell them what kinda day you are having and how you're feeling.

No emotions is wrong here, crying allowed here.

Dalcourt September 3rd, 2017 09:44 PM

Re: Loss of a parent
 
I lost my mother when I was a baby. I don't actively remember her, just know what she looks like from a couple of photos.
I never experienced her being part of my life - still I miss her and wonder what having her in my life would have been like.

So my whole life it kinda felt like a part of me is missing and how I deal with it? It varies between ignoring these feelings of loss and feeling depressed cause something is missing in my life. I often wish I at least had a grave I could visit but unfortunately I don't have that.

So I guess you will never feel the same...and it's okay to grief but also remember life has to go on.

Freckles September 4th, 2017 12:10 AM

Re: Loss of a parent
 
I lost my dad 2 years ago and though I'm strong, I still have moments when I miss him and have to cry. It will get easier but there will also be times when it's very hard. I don't know if that will ever change. I can say that if you want to add me I'll try to help you the best I can.

Vermilion September 4th, 2017 12:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Just JT (Post 3568203)
Yeah....it's a hard loss. I basically lost both.
My dad in a car crash, coming up on 3 years now. I miss him every day. Some most than others. It's a grieving process I think. And it's different for everyone. So if your feeling this way or that way and think it's different, weird, wrong or whatever, stop thinking that way. Cause it's a normal process

How did I deal with it? Lots of ways. Mostly through anger, violence, fighting, and doing a shit ton of property damage. Not the way I'd suggest. But for me there was so much other things all wrapped up in my life that all came to head at the same time. I look back and I'm actually surprised I didn't do any self harm or just kill myself. But I didn't see that as an option. Think many would have. I found some kinda solace in hurting others or their things. But I'm not that way anymore.

I been in therapy since my life has stabilized after his death. And probably will for life with how I see things. And that's not a bad thing either. Like I said, everyone deals with death differently. As hard as I know it is, and sucks to say cause it's hard, but embrace it bro. Look at it face to face eye to eye and don't let it get you down. Stand up to whatever's getting you down, talk to people. Tell them what kinda day you are having and how you're feeling.

No emotions is wrong here, crying allowed here.


Thank you JT appreciate your help, I want to grief and mourn but as stupid as it sounds coming from me you know how caring / loving I can be but I hate showing emotions I'm in the wrong mind set and see it as me showing weakness.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dalcourt (Post 3568278)
I lost my mother when I was a baby. I don't actively remember her, just know what she looks like from a couple of photos.
I never experienced her being part of my life - still I miss her and wonder what having her in my life would have been like.

So my whole life it kinda felt like a part of me is missing and how I deal with it? It varies between ignoring these feelings of loss and feeling depressed cause something is missing in my life. I often wish I at least had a grave I could visit but unfortunately I don't have that.

So I guess you will never feel the same...and it's okay to grief but also remember life has to go on.


Thank you, I'm sorry you never knew your mother. I do keep trying I've worked since his death and funeral. I took 4 days off after his death and 1 day after his funeral otherwise I've been working, I don't know what to expect how I should feel I guess I'm hiding from the truth

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freckles (Post 3568310)
I lost my dad 2 years ago and though I'm strong, I still have moments when I miss him and have to cry. It will get easier but there will also be times when it's very hard. I don't know if that will ever change. I can say that if you want to add me I'll try to help you the best I can.

Thank you Freckles sorry you lost your dad

Just JT September 4th, 2017 01:00 AM

Re: Loss of a parent
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Vermilion (Post 3568313)
Thank you JT appreciate your help, I want to grief and mourn but as stupid as it sounds coming from me you know how caring / loving I can be but I hate showing emotions I'm in the wrong mind set and see it as me showing weakness.


I've learned that showing emotions really isn't a sign of weakness. Really a sigh of strength and security. Cause your ok with showing who you are, and how you're feeling when you're vulnerable. And that takes courage, not weakness.

And I'll be straight up honest with ya bro....from the bit I've talked with @Freckles.....he's a good bro to chat with. Me and you been talking here email etc a while. It's cool. So is he....

MissMolly September 25th, 2017 01:52 PM

Re: Loss of a parent
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Dalcourt (Post 3568278)
I lost my mother when I was a baby. I don't actively remember her, just know what she looks like from a couple of photos.
I never experienced her being part of my life - still I miss her and wonder what having her in my life would have been like.

So my whole life it kinda felt like a part of me is missing and how I deal with it? It varies between ignoring these feelings of loss and feeling depressed cause something is missing in my life. I often wish I at least had a grave I could visit but unfortunately I don't have that.

So I guess you will never feel the same...and it's okay to grief but also remember life has to go on.

This is a great post. I never really knew my dad either. He was shot 4 times during a robbery when I was 8 months old.

That hole will never go away. It is a part of who I am, but it can't be be all of who I am.

Bluegrass September 25th, 2017 03:01 PM

Re: Loss of a parent
 
Sorry for that lost I hope you can be strong and keep yourself together.I have not lost a parent yet but one day it will happen and I don't know what will become of me.I think even time might never heal me.Everyone should try to cherish their parents while their here.

ceto2 October 9th, 2017 05:06 PM

Re: Loss of a parent
 
I lost my mum 5 years ago been up n down but doing very well for my self i know my mum is watching over me at all times.


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