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gherkin2pickle August 22nd, 2017 11:08 PM

Had a small relapse
One of my best friends was having a tough time the other night. He was super stressed out about school starting soon and about some choices he's gotta make and how he's always fighting with his parents and younger sisters. I did my best to calm him down and give him advice. I told him that nothing was his fault and that things would be better the next day (it was around midnight and he normally goes to bed early, so I knew he was tired). He thanked me and went to bed. Afterwards though, after I helped him out, I just had a sudden urge to self harm again. I hadn't for a while. But this overwhelming sense of sadness and self loathing just kinda showed up out of nowhere. I felt drained, empty. I felt like I hadn't done enough for him and that he only said thank you out of pity and annoyance. I find that this happens a lot to me. After helping out someone who is struggling with something, I get really depressed. I feel so bad that they have to go through whatever it is and that they don't deserve it. And that I don't deserve them, because they're so strong and their ability to push through it WITHOUT hurting themselves like I do is so admirable.
I guess what I'm trying to ask is that if anybody else feels this way. I have great friends but, sometimes I feel more alone than I've ever been. I helped a friend in need, and have a big friction burn on my arm to show for it. Pathetic, am I right?

Vermilion August 23rd, 2017 12:50 AM

Re: Had a small relapse
Your far from the only one to feel like that. You can have a loving family and friends but still feel alone. Your not pathetic you helped a friend out and I'm sure he's greatful for that.

bougainvillea August 23rd, 2017 02:52 AM

Re: Had a small relapse
Honestly I can be exactly the same. Even when my friends are remotely down it can really set me off. It really makes the friendship tense but luckily the couple of people that know about it understand. It's not pathetic at all and you're far from alone when it comes to that.

Chaosphere September 23rd, 2017 04:38 AM

Re: Had a small relapse
I understand exactly what you're feeling. Whenever my girlfriend experiences the slightest bit of discomfort I immediately start hating myself for not doing more to protect her and take that away from her. We were on the phone and she was walking outside after school and said she was cold and I was suddenly extremely anxious and hated myself for not giving her a coat last time I saw her or something.

pauly September 23rd, 2017 05:06 AM

Re: Had a small relapse
Bre, you're not pathetic at all. I think we all go through times when our mind can't or won't remove itself from something serious that is either happening to us or to someone special in our lives.
There isn't really an answer apart from the passing of time and the mental strength to try to focus your mind on something good which is going on in your life.
Happiness can and should be just around the corner. Good luck.

NewLeafsFan September 24th, 2017 01:01 AM

Re: Had a small relapse
There is nothing pathetic about trying to help a friend. Right now you need to help you. You sound like you are not in an emotionally well enough place to take on trying to help someone else. Think of this relapse as a minor set back. Don't beat yourself up for it.

Teenage_girl October 12th, 2017 03:42 PM

Re: Had a small relapse
Hi, I've only ever cut once... My Mum and Dad didn't know about it. Just try to stay brave I know life seems terrifyingly bad but it isn't and you are going to be fine x

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