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-   -   I'm afraid of intimacy… am I the only one? (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=2022163)

EmilySmith October 31st, 2015 05:12 PM

I'm afraid of intimacy… am I the only one?
 
So I just want to say it to something… I've never said it before. not to anyone.

When I was kid, like age 7 or 8, my grandfather… he was touching me in private areas and so did my uncle's brother. I was very little, but I can briefly remember it… and I was 12 when a man tried to rape me… thanks god I could define myself… and also there was a man, which was doing that touching thing. So now, everything what is connected with kissing or sex is gross to me… I can't even kiss my boyfriend normally, because you know… it's so gross… even kissing… and I want to know. I'm the only one? just wanted to share it to somebody though, cause I can't tell it to my mom, or to my friends…

drhalsey1 October 31st, 2015 05:16 PM

Re: I'm afraid of intimacy… am I the only one?
 
While I wouldn't know for certain, I can say that there most likely are other people scared of intimacy, probably some for having been in similar situations, what I do know is that there are people who don't always like intimacy though, like me, I'm shy and introverted generally, I don't like being touched, hugs or anything much, I don't like talking much even, it's understandable

Cadanance00 November 2nd, 2015 11:08 AM

Re: I'm afraid of intimacy… am I the only one?
 
Tell it to your boyfriend. He's the one you're potentially intimate with so give him a chance to help you deal with it. If he's any good he'll be supportive.

If he's not, you don't want him for a boyfriend anyway. I think it's essential you talk it over with someone. If not with a friend, then a counselor.

zack.zack November 2nd, 2015 11:31 AM

Re: I'm afraid of intimacy… am I the only one?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Cadanance00 (Post 3250796)
Tell it to your boyfriend. He's the one you're potentially intimate with so give him a chance to help you deal with it. If he's any good he'll be supportive.

If he's not, you don't want him for a boyfriend anyway. I think it's essential you talk it over with someone. If not with a friend, then a counselor.

Excellently put.

sabbi December 31st, 2015 04:26 AM

Re: I'm afraid of intimacy… am I the only one?
 
What a shame. You shld tell your b/f what has happened to you in the past. If he loves you he will understand and help you.

MadManic December 31st, 2015 12:57 PM

Re: I'm afraid of intimacy… am I the only one?
 
I feel the same way. I feel horrible because my boyfriend and I have had sex before because i learned to sort of just revert into myself and block it out which sounds horrible. I guess I can make my body move and my head vacant. But sometimes I just can't. I'm scared of it, embarrassed, like you said grossed out. It's all for very similar reasons as yours. I was gangraped at a party last december and then raped at knifepoint trying to buy marijuana off of someone in an unfamiliar place. stupid me right? Anyways all I wanted to say is that youre not alone. You're not crazy or weird or prude or anything you're just hurt and I am so sorry that had to happen to you. But don't feel bad about it. But communication with your boyfriend is the biggest thing. Once I told mine he is constantly asking if i'm okay with something before doing it. It's nice. Good luck

Vanilla Cupcake December 31st, 2015 01:52 PM

Re: I'm afraid of intimacy… am I the only one?
 
I have similar issues but It not as clear cut as yours. I may have been abused in a certain way when I was little but I don't know for sure. All I know is that I have some drawings, pictures I coloured that had phallus images and was brought to my attention from an adult that studies psychology. It's a long story but anyways it might explain why I have certain fetishes. So in a way, I'm the opposite because instead of not liking something, I actually like it more then normal. I am however afraid to talk to grown men in person, it takes me a while to warm up to them.

Uniquemind January 2nd, 2016 02:10 AM

Re: I'm afraid of intimacy… am I the only one?
 
This is normal response to all phobias.

The only solution is to get your brain and soul to understand and dissociate the concept of uneasiness and those physical actions and the meaning they convey.

Unfortunately those physical touch sensations are attached to emotional memories of fear, non-consent, and unhappiness. You have to reverse that by new experiences with the same physical touch but associated with new emotions that are positive once you understand the concept of consent which is a power only you control.

Kinda like a joke that gets repeated again and again, eventually it is a dull joke because the punch line is old.

Triggers, aren't to be necessarily avoided, they're meant to be strategically pressed again and again until the button breaks and is no longer functional.

tulolita2015 January 8th, 2016 12:26 PM

Re: I'm afraid of intimacy… am I the only one?
 
its a shame that lot of girls including me have been thru similar experiences, in my case dont feel traumatized but I guess it affected me in some way.

Deleted User January 9th, 2016 09:44 PM

Re: I'm afraid of intimacy… am I the only one?
 
When I was a teenager, my dad did something that was, while not necessarily sexual, was demeaning and frightening enough that I absolutely refuse to be unclothed in front of anyone. I don't talk about it either and I don't remember telling my mother, even though apparently she does know.

One day, it's something that perhaps you should try to discuss with your significant other. It might help to establish boundaries so people know where you stand and when it is and is not okay to touch you.

thatgothgirluknow January 9th, 2016 10:46 PM

Re: I'm afraid of intimacy… am I the only one?
 
i was raped when i was younger so yes i do have problems with intimacy i mean i like to kiss my boyfriend every once in a while but if i do it too often then it starts to upset and scare me but talking to my boyfriend at that time did help me

Dygarde January 11th, 2016 08:28 PM

Re: I'm afraid of intimacy… am I the only one?
 
EmilySmith there is little to nothing we can do for you here other than offer advice. I was in a similiar situation, but no two are alike and with that in mind I will not try to say I know what you are going through. Nobody knows exactly what you feel. My advice is to start small with telling someone about it that is close to you. If you feel uncomfortable telling your parents you could tell a sibling you trust, or a friend from school. If you feel comfortable enough with your boyfriend tell him everything, if not at least explain why intimacy is causing you pain and grief. If he pries too much, that could be as bad as if he doesn't seem to care. Good luck sorting all of this out and just know, after 10 years since the incident I am not whole again and probably never will be, but I have accepted that it is out of my control and that i have two options, face what happened and overcome it or let it consume me. The fact that you came here for help tells me that you want to overcome this obstacle so look deep in yourself and find the strength to face this. It will take years but the reward is worth all of the pain and struggles.

federica February 29th, 2016 04:13 PM

Re: I'm afraid of intimacy… am I the only one?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by EmilySmith (Post 3249470)
So I just want to say it to something… I've never said it before. not to anyone.

When I was kid, like age 7 or 8, my grandfather… he was touching me in private areas and so did my uncle's brother. I was very little, but I can briefly remember it… and I was 12 when a man tried to rape me… thanks god I could define myself… and also there was a man, which was doing that touching thing. So now, everything what is connected with kissing or sex is gross to me… I can't even kiss my boyfriend normally, because you know… it's so gross… even kissing… and I want to know. I'm the only one? just wanted to share it to somebody though, cause I can't tell it to my mom, or to my friends…

i think you have to tell it to your boyfriend so he can try to help you. I was so impressed from your terrible experiences...

Hyper February 29th, 2016 06:01 PM

Re: I'm afraid of intimacy… am I the only one?
 
You have a very common reaction/problem for a person that was sexually abused.

IMO You need professional counseling to help work these feelings out properly, there's nothing wrong with you or sexual interaction, but the abuse has given you a trauma that won't just go away.

Danieltiger October 5th, 2017 01:55 PM

Re: I'm afraid of intimacy… am I the only one?
 
I was sexually abused from 8 to 11 and I have the same feelings. I don't want anyone touching me and will not let myself get close to anyone. The thought of intimacy makes me sick and dirty.
My counselor is helping me through this and says it is very normal.
You are not alone. We are survivors

Endeavour October 5th, 2017 02:34 PM

Re: I'm afraid of intimacy… am I the only one?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Danieltiger (Post 3578563)
I was sexually abused from 8 to 11 and I have the same feelings. I don't want anyone touching me and will not let myself get close to anyone. The thought of intimacy makes me sick and dirty.
My counselor is helping me through this and says it is very normal.
You are not alone. We are survivors

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