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-   -   First Time Cutting (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=19567)

Jono March 26th, 2004 01:36 PM

First Time Cutting
 
When was the first time you cut yourself? What did it feel like the first time you cut yourself? What was going through your head at the time? If you look at the thing that was going through your head at the time you can try and figure out why you cut in the first place.

For me it was my friends and my girlfriend at the time, my Mum and Dad
disagreed on me going out with her and we had a row, my friends were ignoring me and one of the best friends I had ever had fell out with me.
It may seem fairly normal but to me at the time it was the end of my life and for the first time in my life I begun to contemplate on suicide, cutting seemed a way of getting all my pain and anger out but I also blamed myself for many things so hurting myself seemed logical at the time.

Once I realised that cutting could not go on, I looked at the things that I thought of that first time and I basically had a checklist and I went around sorting everything out. By the time I had got everything sorted cutting seemed irrelevent.

That may not apply to everyone but if you try and sort out the problems going through your head each time, life will be better.

Cutting may be a temporary solution but in the long run it really does not help. It damages you sometimes in ways that will never leave you and can leave you with scars that last forever.

TheWizard March 27th, 2004 09:36 AM

Thanks Jono thats good. :)

Anonymous March 28th, 2004 12:07 PM

It helps not to cut at all :)

Punch a pillow instead?

Jono March 28th, 2004 04:47 PM

It's not that simple for people who cut, logical thinking such as that is not as easy as it sounds.

Cat March 28th, 2004 05:56 PM

re:
 
yea. It's not easy to stop. I have been cutting for about 2 years and I want to stop and I have tried so hard but its hard to stop. It has become a part of me. :?

Jono March 29th, 2004 01:11 AM

Perhaps seeing a specialist may help? What have you done to help you stop?

-Silence March 29th, 2004 02:59 PM

hey,
Sorry I seem to be butting in but i would like to put in my "two-cents".

The first time i ever cut I was in the 7th grade. (about 3 years ago) It was dumb I was depressed and I didn't know what to do, I wanted to be 'happy' again. I don't know why but i grabbed the knife that was on the counter and made a line. There wasn't any blood and I don't know why I did it but I could feel something again. I wasn't so numb. But then everything just went down from there, a downward spiral, people call it. Cutting became an addiction, where it felt like i needed it to feel somewhat normal. I'm supposed to try stopping it, but I don't know if I can anymore..I've used it for two long.

Yeah I agree, after doing it for a while it's really hard when you get the urge to just do something else. Its weird, it kinda changes your thoughts on coping.

Well sorry that is my "two-cents". I don't mean to butt in. :?

ktbug10 March 29th, 2004 03:07 PM

it's truly not that easy to stop... i've been doing it on and off for 2 to 3 years now (i don't remember exactly but i think the first time i did it was summer before 10th grade, so i guess it's been like 2.75 years) and the longest i've ever gone without doing it was 8 months. i stopped because of a pact i made with my boyfriend at the time... that was last feb and then in dec things got really ugly between us but he didn't seem to realize it and i started doing it again because i was afraid to talk to him... i stopped at the end of january, after breaking up with him, with the help of my best friend and then a month later i did it again, and with his help again i stopped and then i just did it last night and he doesn't know yet because i haven't had the chance to talk to him... he says we're gonna go for a year this time but it's so hard.
cutting really makes me feel... better, yanno? it calms me down. it hurts, so in order to make it not hurt my brain slows down and doesn't receive the physical pain, which means that it's also not receiving the mental pain and it's really relaxing. i realize that 'in the long run' it doesn't help... but i know how to do this and not hurt myself. i may be obscenely morbid, but even so, i don't want to die and i won't let myself get seriously wounded.
i know this may not be true for everybody, but cutting does help me because it's the only way i can release tensions and feel better afterward. i don't want to hurt anything else to feel better, i want to hurt myself. punching a pillow would do absolutely nothing for me. but when i am hurt, i calm down. i don't know how to explain it any better than that.
as for scars, i don't mind. i deserve them. i don't ever regret cutting, so why should i be ashamed of these scars? each cut means something different, has a different emotion and situation behind it. each one holds a memory. as awful as the memory may be, it's a part of who i am and the scar just accentuates the memory.

Jono March 29th, 2004 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silence
hey,
Sorry I seem to be butting in but i would like to put in my "two-cents".

The first time i ever cut I was in the 7th grade. (about 3 years ago) It was dumb I was depressed and I didn't know what to do, I wanted to be 'happy' again. I don't know why but i grabbed the knife that was on the counter and made a line. There wasn't any blood and I don't know why I did it but I could feel something again. I wasn't so numb. But then everything just went down from there, a downward spiral, people call it. Cutting became an addiction, where it felt like i needed it to feel somewhat normal. I'm supposed to try stopping it, but I don't know if I can anymore..I've used it for two long.

Yeah I agree, after doing it for a while it's really hard when you get the urge to just do something else. Its weird, it kinda changes your thoughts on coping.

Well sorry that is my "two-cents". I don't mean to butt in. :?

Welcome to VT :) Feel free to 'Butt in' whenever you feel like it! :lol:

I see how you are stuck, many people get like that, feeling like cutting is a part of you, makes you normal among other things.
But you need tyo get past that stage. Know that cutting yourself is because you have thoughts in your head that are not normal, and cutting is the only way to get out of it. The one way that stopped me doing it was people finding out and I felt embarrassed, stupid, abnormal - quite the opposite of how I felt immediately after cutting. Not only does this have an effect on you, but on the people around you who care. If you won't stop cutting for you, then at least try for the other people.

Though saying that I am not here to tell you what to do, only to offer you advice. If you feel like cutting, log online and see if I am online, I will be happy to talk to you about anything you chose...that goes for everyone and anyone! :)

Jono March 29th, 2004 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ktbug10
it's truly not that easy to stop... i've been doing it on and off for 2 to 3 years now (i don't remember exactly but i think the first time i did it was summer before 10th grade, so i guess it's been like 2.75 years) and the longest i've ever gone without doing it was 8 months. i stopped because of a pact i made with my boyfriend at the time... that was last feb and then in dec things got really ugly between us but he didn't seem to realize it and i started doing it again because i was afraid to talk to him... i stopped at the end of january, after breaking up with him, with the help of my best friend and then a month later i did it again, and with his help again i stopped and then i just did it last night and he doesn't know yet because i haven't had the chance to talk to him... he says we're gonna go for a year this time but it's so hard.
cutting really makes me feel... better, yanno? it calms me down. it hurts, so in order to make it not hurt my brain slows down and doesn't receive the physical pain, which means that it's also not receiving the mental pain and it's really relaxing. i realize that 'in the long run' it doesn't help... but i know how to do this and not hurt myself. i may be obscenely morbid, but even so, i don't want to die and i won't let myself get seriously wounded.
i know this may not be true for everybody, but cutting does help me because it's the only way i can release tensions and feel better afterward. i don't want to hurt anything else to feel better, i want to hurt myself. punching a pillow would do absolutely nothing for me. but when i am hurt, i calm down. i don't know how to explain it any better than that.
as for scars, i don't mind. i deserve them. i don't ever regret cutting, so why should i be ashamed of these scars? each cut means something different, has a different emotion and situation behind it. each one holds a memory. as awful as the memory may be, it's a part of who i am and the scar just accentuates the memory.

Interesting...you seem to do it for jointly problems but I suspect a bit for the adrenaline rush you get in cutting. It is good in some aspects you aren't bothered about people knowing or seeing your cuts, but I cannot stress how "unhealthy" cutting is...just think of it like this...if God wanted us to cut ourselves, we would have a place to cut made specially for it!

Again, contact me if you wish to talk...oh and welcome to VT :)

-Silence March 30th, 2004 09:28 AM

Thank you.. :)

Jono March 30th, 2004 12:59 PM

I'm always here to help :)

Cat April 1st, 2004 09:13 PM

Re:
 
I know its taken me forever to respond but I am lol. I have a psychiatrist and a therapist and they are helping a little.

Jono April 2nd, 2004 03:19 AM

As long as you are taking some steps to help yourself, you are doing a good job :)

RunAwayMolly April 3rd, 2004 07:31 AM

I do this with my ocd too! To get the thoughts out of my head and to control them i quickly, but tensely jerk my head and imagine all of the thought and pressure of cutting and my ocd fly out my ears! :D

Jono April 4th, 2004 06:27 PM

I had never thought of doing that. :lol:

Quahog April 4th, 2004 07:30 PM

I've done that sometimes, and sometimes it works, sometimes it don't.

Lilly_420_2003 April 5th, 2004 01:01 AM

the first time I cut I was 8, I loved it and have been doing it ever since, I'm trying to stop now after 10 1/2 yrs. though

Jono April 5th, 2004 04:39 AM

What made you cut at 8 years old?

Lilly_420_2003 April 5th, 2004 03:48 PM

lots of things, bad things that were happening to me and that I saw and my mom and him fighting and everything else, oh well though. I was little and should have known better.


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