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starsinhereyes April 19th, 2007 07:28 PM

Fear of molesting a child?
My cousin watched a movie a few weeks ago about child molesters and since then I have been horribly distressed that I am going to molest children. I can hardly eat, sleep in my own bed, (i have to sleep on the couch) or have a healthy relationship, although I have been with my boyfriend for one and a half years. All of the thoughts are focused around my little brother, who I love more than anything else in the world, and I imagine how it would feel and then I usually either cry, throw up, or have a panic attack. I swear on my life it also feels like I am getting turned on by the thoughts, which disgusts me more than anything else in the world. I feel weird touching my little brother, like holding him or playing games, especially giving him baths or changing his diaper.

I have never been treated for OCD, because I am a minor I have a hard time finding places which will see me, but I have been known to have other things wrong, like depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. I also do things in my head such as correspond letters with numbers, so if I hear a word that appeals with me, I have to correspond the letter with the number the letter is in the alphabet. For example, if someone said "yes." i would think in my head " 25, 5, 20." and I cannot shake it no matter what. I believe this is OCD but I am not quite sure. The child molesting thoughts have about sent me over the edge, but I cannot find anywhere for mental help. I am completely lost as to what to do.

Everglow April 19th, 2007 07:42 PM

Re: Fear of molesting a child?
Honestly..I don't know what to say. I mean, like I've never had any sexual feelings for children. Perhaps you are not having those kinds of urges, but rather you're being empathetic toward your brother? If I'm talking crazy..correct me, please. Well, from what you are sayin, your brother is young..a few years old...and well, pedophiles are very interested in young boys and maybe because you're the older can't bare to fathom your brother being molested? I mean the thought of it makes you want to spew your brains out..ok maybe not that bad, but you get the point...hopefully.

As for the ocd bit..I have absolutely no idea...seems like ocd is just another excuse for parents to not deal with their children's problems. That's just my opinion at least...but if you seriously have an obsession with such activities..then perhaps you do have some sort of mental issue...if not then you just have a strong liking for numbers and such.. Talk to your parents about it...

babyfish13 April 29th, 2007 08:43 AM

Re: Fear of molesting a child?
oh im so sorry. but i have the same fear of my niece. i always think what if i do. and it is scary but you just have to belive its not. and just get a theropist. it really does help and if you get on medication. you fell even better but here is some help from my theropist.

1.if your mom or dad go to a diffrent room and leave you two together alone for a few mins stay in the room. this wil show you if you think you did you didnt because your parents are there but not in the room. also rate you aniaxety 1-10

2.try to play with him and have a good time. rate your aniaxity 1-10

i hope this helped you a little if you need to talk just message me. you will be ok always rembember that.

removemeplease May 20th, 2009 06:30 PM

Re: Fear of molesting a child?

It broke my heart to read your post, but I hope I can offer some help/hope by letting you know I had the same fear, and it is absolutely ocd- and an extremely common fear amongst people with ocd (especially since you describe other ocd experiences along with it). I have recently completely intensive ocd treatment and highly recommend it anywhere you can find it... try the ocf website (obsessive-compulsive foundation) for treatment in your area. Otherwise, I recommend (as does the director the program I went to) the book "Brain Lock", which is a step-by-step self-help book. The fact that you have a little brother is actually even better, because you can practice "exposures" with him- meaning allowing yourself to resume affection and bathing him and thereby seeing that you will not act on the obsessions... I was the baby in the family and never even baby sat or changed a diaper, so my fear is that once I do, I will do something inappropriate. I hope this helps, and feel free to get in touch with any questions. Just know in the meantime that we feed our ocd by giving into compulsions, and in your case that would mean doing the brain calculations, as well as avoiding touching your brother appropriately. You could start out in gradations, like allowing yourself to hug him for 10 seconds combined with deep breathing afterward, then maybe 30 seconds the next day, etc. Don't give in or give up!

jacknife May 20th, 2009 10:08 PM

Re: Fear of molesting a child?
You have, what I call, moments of "existential freedom." That is, you subconsciously have come to realize that you are utterly free to do whatever the hell you want to do, including immoral acts: such as molest children.

Now that you've realized you have this freedom you simply need to choose not to act upon your desire to molest. The desire itself is something rather uncontrollable, but your decision to act upon it is definitely within your power. So long as you continue to abstain from acting upon that desire then you will remain moral and, one day, the desire itself may completely vanish.

Trust me, it is a VERY GOOD sign that you feel immediately disgusted by your desire to molest a child. The fact that you feel disgusted shows that your moral faculties are well in order.

This "realization of my existential freedom" has also hit me at odd times in my life, for example:

I am afraid of heights because I've always been so sure that I would jump if given the chance. Not that I'm suicidal or anything, I just would jump. I don't really know why.

I also have had these really, really strong urges to stand up and start screaming swear words during plays/musicals that I've been to, as well as this funeral I was at when I was in elementary school. Again, I knew it was weird and wrong, and I didn't want to do it, but this one part of my body was strongly urging me to act on that desire. Luckily I was able to repress it every time.

These urges are something natural, and they are evidence of your own realization that you are truly a free being; that morals are not metaphysical constraints, but only ethical ones. In other words, just because you shouldn't steal doesn't mean you can't. There are lots of things you CAN do, but many of those things you shouldn't do, because they are wrong.

Sometimes your mind will subconsciously wander into dangerous desires; it will tempt fate and explore interesting and exciting possibilities. Molestation is one such possibility, one such tempt of fate, one such dangerous idea. Just remember that you are in complete control of your own actions and all you have to do is continue to not act on that desire, no matter the situation.

This is how one learns self-control, not by denying that dangerous desires exist, but by confronting them head on and overcoming them. I'm sure you'll pull through! :)

If you have any questions or want me to clarify something then feel free to ask.

Atonement May 20th, 2009 10:33 PM

Re: Fear of molesting a child?
Though we greatly appreciate you willing to help out, check the original post date before posting. This is old.


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