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cmdexe May 23rd, 2011 03:37 PM

Pure OCD
Haider. I have a problem..

My pure O OCD is somewhat self diagnosed. For those not familiar with the disorder, it basically means that rituals are usually in the head (eg counting to a certain number, ruminating and analysing situations during the day) and hence it's not as easy for other people to see as regular OCD. For me, it manifests itself as paranoia of the self and in worrying about being manipulative and hurting other people, even to the point where I will mentally beat myself up for not keeping everyone 100% happy all of the time. (which is of course not possible)

I have previously had insomnia and anorexia on and off for the past three or four years, both of which have been, at a couple of points, very severe. They seem to be calming down now but as luck would have it, my OCD/anxiety seems to be acting up. (especially now I have exams -- impeccable timing!)

So, yeah. The reason why I'm posting this. I have recently been to my school nurse because, to put it simply, I couldn't cope. I started sobbing in maths and generally couldn't handle all the stress that I was putting myself under, which led to my teacher taking me to see the school nurse. As is common with OCD, it becomes clear that the obsessions are irrational, and then you fall into the trap of thinking that you WANT to have OCD. It's in your own head, so that must be the only explanation, right? That makes me feel horrrrible, and is just one of the points with which I torture myself. Charming, isn't it..

So that was pretty awkward, anyway. The woman thinks I have anxiety issues, and for the last two sessions she has been giving me sheets about breathing exercises for getting to sleep easier and sheets on how to manage my exams. You may have noticed that they are not the problem! I spend half my time worrying that what I said to so-and-so yesterday was really offensive and was horrible of me to say, which has nothing to do with my exams or my sleep. I am actually managing both of those reasonably well (though I do obsess about managing my time or "wasting my life" as I like to put it).

My parents aren't aware (or observant) so that's fine as far as I'm concerned because that would just be awkward as hell. I get on with my mum alright, but there is no way she would understand OCD. My dad would go mental at me so I'd rather he didn't find out either. I'm worried that if I ask for help regarding my OCD rather than my sleep and exams (which I didn't even mention to her??) then she will tell my parents and I will be living in cringeville... I am 14 and the age of medical consent in England is 16, so I could theoretically just wait til then to complain to my doctor and see what therapy or meds or whatever will make me feel better, without my parents knowing. However, I'm not sure that I can last that long, nor can I tolerate the daft sessions with the school nurse.

If you've read this far, wd :P your professional opinion please! :P What to do??!!? :)

Syvelocin May 23rd, 2011 04:48 PM

Re: Pure OCD
I personally both have obsessions and compulsions, so I can only half relate to you really.
But with parents, lord, mine didn't start getting it for a couple years. And my mum has anxiety as well, just not OCD. At first they sort of thought I was just being controlling, or irrational (for instance, some things just drive me crazy and I'd say "Don't chew your gum so loudly please," and they wouldn't really get it). And then they started to understand it a bit more, to the point that they're able to predict it all so they're ready (they knew where at the table I was most likely to sit, what noises would bother me beyond relief, to give me at least an hour of time to get ready in the morning if I had an appointment or something because my rituals would take too long, etc.) It's not easy to have to live with anyone with a mental illness, quite honestly. OCD isn't an exception. But I'm sure they would warm up to it over time. How much and how quickly, I don't know of course, but more than likely there will be an eventual change. It's up to you, however, if you want to wait and just not bother, or tell them.

If you want to talk to her about it, ask about confidentiality first. Figure out what she will and won't tell your parents. To get medication, yeah, I'm sure your parents have to know so they can pay for it. But therapy, you might be able to do that under the radar without them knowing about the OCD if they are willing to do it like that.

cmdexe June 17th, 2011 01:23 PM

Re: Pure OCD
Thanks :)

I had a chat with her about it and since the school nurse is useless (seriously) one of the other staff members (support worker or something?) is going to talk to me on Monday because I feel like I'm getting worse, a lot worse..

but when I'm in a "good" mood, I'm starting to understand what just happened and why I felt like that :3 so let's see how it goes.

TrAnSMaN09 June 17th, 2011 01:28 PM

Re: Pure OCD
I kno how you feel, I worry about what i say to people, and it ruins me, I worry that they Think im a freak, And there not gonna talk to me anymore, So i knwo what your feeling hun

cmdexe June 17th, 2011 01:34 PM

Re: Pure OCD
You have it too? aw, *hugs*

it really is a bitch when it gets bad. :( but so is everything else I guess. sucks. (:

TrAnSMaN09 June 19th, 2011 07:09 PM

Re: Pure OCD
*Hugs Back* I also will worry my self sick if somthing is going wrong, Like today i was soooooo worried because i thought i wasn't gonna be ablr to see my boyf for a week, Didn't eat, Thew up what i DID eat, and was just a mess, soo... Yea im always here for you ok?

WhimsicalFlower August 17th, 2011 12:01 AM

Re: Pure OCD
i have it, and it makes everyday very hard for me. this is what i do, i keep a journal each day on what my anxiety was about, and how what i could do to handle it. if my anxiety is really high, and it's ridiculous, deep breathing helps. i just breathe out my stress. i listen to healing music each day, while i lay on my bed deep breathing, and letting the thoughts flow away. i do it everyday, because i really need to. it can also help to have a clock with nature sounds that repeat. i use it during my sleep. also, when you're noticing your anxiety increasing, think about what you believe is causing it. don't try to avoid it, just think about it in your head. think rationally about it, and the consequences. recognize your emotions.

judahtics August 17th, 2011 03:43 AM

Re: Pure OCD
i have autism (social disorder), tourettes (anxiety disorder), and OCD (anxiety disorder), so i've been to tons of doctors and shrinks about these things. it's very common for people with OCD to have obsessive thoughts. that comes along with OCD, or can, it doesn't always.

breathing exercises actually can be very useful anytime you start getting anxiety or obsessive thoughts, that's what i use, but i also take medications for tourettes and autism.

i would suggest getting help even if it'll be awkward. it will help you in the long run. if you get the proper help, you'll be more prepared and able to deal with your parents and their issue's about your issue's.

cmdexe August 22nd, 2011 04:23 PM

Re: Pure OCD
Thanks for the message guys. I do intend to continue getting help, when necessary and available. It's the only way, if you want to deal with it when you feel you can't any more.

I use breathing exercises and calming music/white noise to deal with my anxiety, but for the pure OCD thoughts, it gets difficult -- since I am trying to not think about how I am negatively affecting other people, that must mean that I know I'm in the wrong but I don't care enough about other people to face up to it. Daft I know, but, it's v painful in the moment.

Pure OCD has been ok throughout the holidays, instead I've been getting anxiety and OCD/ eating disorder type stuff. That will no doubt change when I get back to school, though.. it never ends..


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