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-   -   Trouble with affection (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=2040851)

gherkin2pickle October 23rd, 2017 09:04 PM

Trouble with affection
 
My boyfriend and I have been dating since August (but we've known each other for many years), and so far nothing huge has gone down. I mean, we hug each other goodbye sometimes, but other than that we don't really display affection very much. We held hands once while waiting for the results of our marching competition (it was really intense and we were shaking from nervousness), but that's been it. He's recently started complimenting me more, and that's what this post is about.

Let's just say that I've got a few self image issues that have been going on for about 5 years. Thus, I don't take compliments very well. When they're casual comments from a friend/classmate/teacher, I just brush them off and don't pay it any mind. When somebody of emotional significance, like my boyfriend, tells me that I'm beautiful... I kinda go into a state of shock. A few hours ago he texted me and said I'm beautiful and I just stared blankly at the screen. After what he said had sunk in, I started getting really panicky. My heart rate quickened, as did my breathing, and I had to go sit in my room and collect myself for a few minutes. All the while, i was ruminating on how I would respond to him. I don't think I'm beautiful. Should I have told him that? I just said thanks and then we started talking about something else. I don't want to come off as cold or ungrateful to him, but I honestly don't know how to respond. What's wrong with me?

A similar thing happened between a close friend of mine two years ago. He started showing his affection for me, subtly at first. It grew and grew, until one day I couldn't take it anymore. I had dug myself into a hole deeper than I had ever been, a dark place that made me hate myself more and more. I didn't think it was my place to tell him no. I liked him too, but I was so scared of intimacy and someone regularly telling me positive things about myself that I drove him away. We haven't talked since then. We completely cut off ties with each other. I don't want the same thing to happen again. But, I feel those old pangs of panic and sheer terror at the thought of someone caring for me in that way coming back.

I feel like there's something wrong with me. No way is this their fault. I can't wreck this again. I really like this guy and I know he likes me too. What do I do?

NewLeafsFan October 24th, 2017 01:58 AM

Re: Trouble with affection
 
I think that you should tell your boyfriend what you have posted. By complimenting you, he is probably hoping to take the next step in your relationship but is nervous about how to approach it. Try to hold hands more and stuff like that. Idk your not comfortable doing that in public start in more private environments.

gherkin2pickle October 24th, 2017 05:43 PM

Re: Trouble with affection
 
Thanks ^.^ I'll try to work up the courage to tell him my concerns. We're going to the school musical together this weekend. Maybe I can find an opening then. I'm with my friends all day during school and am never with him alone, and I don't want them to hear this. It's a puzzle, but I'll figure something out :D

jamie_n5 October 27th, 2017 04:47 PM

Re: Trouble with affection
 
Well you need to love yourself. That is the number one thing you need to do. Love yourself and believe in yourself and have confidence in the things you do. If someone pays you a compliment it's because they sincerely mean it. If they thought differently they wouldn't say anything or say that you were ugly or some mean comment. So be happy that he paid you a compliment and next time give him a little kiss along with your hug.


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