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ValentinClarke February 22nd, 2015 11:50 AM

What the hell have I done?
A few months ago, I read a book called Skulduggery, and this woman has another personality within her, with a separate name, and separate powers. Now, i thought that it would be cool if I made one of these, so I called it Apocalypse, because I made him embody all my bad emotions, and I made him a point of release for my anger. If he was awakened fully, he would be dangerous. I realised that the name was stupid and changed the 'alter ego's name to Valentin Clarke. He is my anger, my paranoia, all bad emotions. Makes me believe that people cant be trusted. I argue with him in my head. Like he tells me i cant trust someone, so i tell him to shut the fuck up, and he just goes mmm. Because I'm fairly good at arguing, I can't argue with myself. Or another version of myself. I realised today that he had a middle name. Valentin A. Clarke. Apocalypse. Am I delusional? Am I going insane? I also can't believe that life is real. I keep thinking that my life is a simulation because I keep seeing things move, which could never move. I see the ceiling contort as well. And it makes me think that I'm insane. I keep switching moods constantly, I'll be happy, then extremely angry.

amgb February 22nd, 2015 01:02 PM

Re: What the hell have I done?
Hi again~~ I'd thought that I'd try to help you here as well as with the other situation~ I think that when we are feeling too much and when those feelings overtake us we often try to find an escape; and I think Valentin A. Clarke was where you stashed up all those bad emotions. I want to let you know that it's okay to be afraid of feeling the bad stuff. I accept him, and I accept you. You are someone who is feeling lost, miserable and in need of help from everyone including those who love you. I understand the paranoia and the delusions and the mood swings, they are all a part of the chaos boiling inside and I want you to feel at peace again. I really do want that for you. I think you need to tell someone about this, either a family member or friend. I'm sorry if this is upsetting in any way and I know how hard it is to tell someone: but I think it's best you go see a mental health professional who will provide more informed, accurate and detailed information to help you.
I know things are tough, and it's hard to be positive and push the bad things away right out of our minds, but I know you will be alright. I understand your pain, but I believe that it will get better. I hope you can believe that too~

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