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StayBeautiful33 September 14th, 2013 10:52 PM

Dead Inside
Everyday I can feel myself become more and more dead inside. I've lost all hope for any kind of happy future. I'm not sure I was made to know happiness. It's getting harder and harder to get out of bed the next day. I'm the worlds biggest loser and I'm not sure that will ever change. Everyday I want to cut myself deeper but something keeps me from doing it. I'm not sure what, I'm not even sure I'm thankful for what's stopping me. I'm so depressed and I just don't want to be here anymore. I've been through so many traumatizing things, they'll haunt me for forever. My anxiety and depression is growing and even though I want to kill myself I've never been able to do it, I've never even been able to try. That just adds to me feeling like more of a failure. I know I shouldn't see it that way but I do. I just hate myself so much and I've always been broken and lost and I'm pretty sure that won't change. I don't know what to do. I never have.:(

eeee September 15th, 2013 03:59 PM

Re: Dead Inside
Please don't kill yourself. Everyone will be devastated, even if you don't believe so. I knew someone that killed herself about a year ago. Anyone who even barely knew her was hurt and her close friends and family were devastated. Your friends will miss you day after day.

kylem1229 September 15th, 2013 04:08 PM

Re: Dead Inside
Think of all the people that will be sad if you leave. Your parents, siblings, family, friends. You have a future yet, you are too young. Everone has a purpose, even if they dont think so. What job would you like? What do you want to do when you grow up? Pursue your dreams. You have a long life to live yet, there are always down points. You just have to be confident in yourself and get past them.

EDIT: I havent had a chance to read this yet, but this may help you. (On mobile phone at this time, cant read it currently Just judging it off of the title. ).

StayBeautiful33 September 16th, 2013 08:57 AM

Re: Dead Inside
I don't really have any friends the only friend I do have lives with me. Now I'm not saying I need a lot of friends to be happy cause I know it wouldn't make a difference. The only people who would care is my one friend and family and my family has been through a lot deaths so mine would just be another they would probably would get used to someone being gone. I don't know this depression just feels too big, too much. Thank you for your support it means the world to me.

eeee September 16th, 2013 03:45 PM

Re: Dead Inside
Yours is not just another death. Yours will be 100x worse than anything they've ever experience. Losing a child is the worst thing to happen to a parent. Losing a friend is a painful, painful experience.

musicjunkie1310 September 18th, 2013 09:11 AM

Re: Dead Inside
I know how you feel, hon. I go through the exact same thing. Hell, I've even made a funeral playlist and all. But then I think of the people who've tried to support me because a part of me knows that they try to support me because they genuinely care. I guess they are the reason I get barely get past the difficulties everyday :)

StayBeautiful33 September 28th, 2013 10:19 PM

Re: Dead Inside
Thanks guys for the support it means a lot.

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