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Posted March 21st, 2012 at 02:34 PM by Aubrie

Wow. It's been a while. I haven't been on as much as I used to be because I find this site a little too triggering at times.

This is going to jump around a lot.

PTSD is getting better. I actually wonder if I still qualify under all the criteria. It would be nice if I'm "cured" so to speak.

Cutting is meh. I haven't done it, but urges are getting bad again. I thought after 2 years and 4 months, I wouldn't have urges anymore. I guess I...
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Hand Washing OCD?

Posted January 16th, 2012 at 07:31 PM by Aubrie

I think I'm getting a little bit of an OCD. As I've posted before, I was sexually assaulted at 13. I blocked out everything for a few years and it all came crashing down on me.

Now I have this thing where I have to wash my hands in really hot water. I want to do it quite frequently, but I really don't want to dry out my hands. I have such nice skin; it would be a shame to ruin it like this. Anyway, I sometimes do this while showering, but I try to avoid that, too.

...
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It's so ridiculous, it's funny.

Posted December 5th, 2011 at 04:33 PM by Aubrie

My mom hit my car today. Not only did she hit my car, but also blames me for it. I was parked in the middle of the garage. I had forgotten that she would be home early. So she pulls in, not paying attention, and put about five long scratches down my passenger side.

How exactly is it my fault that she wasn’t paying attention?

Last week she had parked my car and I was pulling out. I forgot that she had parked it and she parks close to the edge. I ripped my mirror...
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Ptsd.

Posted November 21st, 2011 at 07:19 PM by Aubrie

My flashbacks were absolutely awful today. I felt like I was stuck in them. I could feel his body against me again. These started towards the end of my general psychology class (ironic, huh?), and I was dying to walk out. I felt like if I could get home as soon as possible, they would stop and I would be "safe" again. I know that I obviously wasn't in any danger, but it felt rather real. Anyway, I stuck out the rest of the class. I walked as quickly as possible to my car, trying...
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:\

Posted October 16th, 2011 at 08:37 PM by Aubrie
Tags break up

I broke up with my boyfriend last night. He didn't have enough time for me, and I began developing feelings for someone else. Now I kind of miss him, and I'm worried that I made a mistake. I know things wouldn't be any different because I've talked to him about this before. *sigh* I'm just confused right now I suppose. I mean the other guy likes me, too, but I don't know, it's just...ugh...

I just have to keep reminding myself that I deserve someone who has enough time for me....
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