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I have heterochromia iridium, meaning my eyes are two different colors. One is blue and the other green and I've always found this very symbolic of the duality in my life. This is just kind of my thoughts and my inner insanity, feel free to read my rants, I just like to put things out there.
Old

Love?

Posted December 9th, 2014 at 04:52 PM by queenofcontrariety (Life Through Eyes of Contradictory Colors)

I think I may be in love, strange for me, but the stranger thing is I'm not in love with the guy I posted about yesterday. Yes I must sound hottible saying this, but there a guy who has had my heart for as long as I can remember and we reconnected today and I still feel out if breathe, I've missed him so much, and now he's here again. He still live 7 hours away, and he still has jusy as many issues if not more than i do, but I may be falling in love with him all over again. I feel so wonderfully...
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A Midcentury Day Dream

Posted December 8th, 2014 at 04:21 PM by queenofcontrariety (Life Through Eyes of Contradictory Colors)

I seem to be a throwback type girl, born in the wrong era and guys can't seem to get me out of their minds. I have the drive of a woman working in industry during WWII and the figure of a 1950s actress. In the last week I've had two former flames come back and apologize for leaving me. The first of those has since abandoned me again and I'm not taking to too hard. The second, oh gosh, we dated briefly 10 months ago and he just wasn't ready for anything and I should have known that. We started talking...
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Boy Storm?

Posted December 2nd, 2014 at 05:34 PM by queenofcontrariety (Life Through Eyes of Contradictory Colors)

Abridged Storytime: I feel in love with a guys like 7 hours away who wouldn't give me the time of day. We never met, but we were equally crazy and for some reason I adored him, and I still do. I check his instagram from time to time, and well the last picture I saw was of him and the girl I assume to be his new girlfriend, not that we were ever a thing but I, quite stupidly, caught feelings. His instagram is now private, he didn't respond to my last text which was months ago... and yeah, I feel...
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Alone and okay

Posted November 24th, 2014 at 05:44 PM by queenofcontrariety (Life Through Eyes of Contradictory Colors)

I can breathe again, for now anyway. And it's really nice. I mean I've been really edgy lately, which almost drove me over the edge. Almost. I'm coming to terms with being alone again, which is kinda funny. You'd expect after a year and a half on my own I'd be okay with being alone. Come to think of it I've rarely actually been alone, always some vague being for me to lean on, or just push away my problems with. They're all gone now. Sure, I'm scared to talk to people. None of my friends respond...
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Going Numb Again

Posted November 12th, 2014 at 06:09 PM by queenofcontrariety (Life Through Eyes of Contradictory Colors)

What is the cost of shutting down your emotions in the hope of protecting yourself? I feel like I've completely lost myself or put an even wider gap between the two sides of my mind and my very existence.

I can trace a lot of issues I deal with pretty far back, my insane outbursts for a couple years, body image issues to about age 8 when my mom first started calling me fat, nonpurging bulimia to seventh grade, and on and off self harm for about 3 years. My first suicidal thought was...
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