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Ramblings of a 13 year-old gay kid.
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Nicky's Nook

Posted October 27th, 2011 at 04:17 PM by Nicky97

Nicky's Nook

Most of what I have written in my blog so far has been about myself, how I manage to arrange my sexlife, and what I look for in the future. Very little to do with anyone else. That has just been my focus for so long, trying to get out of the "isolation" hole that I find myself in, that I don't normally jump to thoughts of what it's like for other people.

Sure I have friends online, we talk, but mostly it's about sex and lifestyle and my ideas about getting more of both. We all seem to be happy and satisfied and without any real problems. No skeletons in the closet, no great fears, no insurmountable obstacles. We talk about getting up the courage to live our own life, separate ourself from the pack, and accept what we have been given in the way of attractions and desires.

Quite a while back I met up with one very special guy named Logan. He was entirely different, he seemed selfless and totally concerned with the suffering of others, even though he himself has pain and obstacles in his own life that I feel helpless to advise him on. He is so different from most of the guys I know. The best I could do was to help him bring his fears and horrors out into the open and talk about them. I got him to become active here on VT.

He has just started to open up a bit to everyone he talks to here, and the other day he decided to start a blog. I'm really proud of him, it's such a big change in the last few months.

He asked me to retype it for him, so that it would look good and be worth the readers' time. That's just part of his isolation and his fear, that he won't get the acceptance of others. In my mind, he deserves my best effort and so do others like him. He has a heart that I only wish I could muster up for myself.

The blog is at [url]http://virtualteen.org/forums/blog.php?u=40511[/url]

It's not just about him though. Like always, this is about me. I'm just no good at helping people with real problems and real feelings of isolation, depression, and guilt. Comparing them with others isn't any help. It can be something more serious than personal doubt. It can be abuse at home, health challenges, any number of things. I can act like a friend, but without anything meaningful to say to them, my online friendship just isn't enough I don't think. I'm not one of those people, like Logan is, that instinctively knows what to say. I have started thinking about the term "isolation" as it applies to all of us. Me, him, anyone who gets bullied, anyone who is gay, anyone who spends all their time online. It may be the one basic trait that we all share. And the very process of getting together and sharing it, opening up about it, being there for each other, is a beginning to a solution. Or at least a means of treating the symptoms.

How cruel it is that most all kids need to "fit in", to follow the crowd, to be accepted as being the same as everyone else. It's not so much that way in the adult world, at least not among educated adults. Yes, I am convinced that "it gets better". For the time being, I believe that treating the "isolation" is, along with education, the most valuable use of our efforts.

I may not know just what to say all the time. I may not have any idea what physical or emotional abuse feels like. I may not begin to understand the plight of those who feel completely left out of life. But I am beginning to believe that just by being there, listening, and honestly caring, I can add a small bit of comfort to a few friends who need others so badly. I know some, like Logan, who will open up with just a push in the right direction. And I know others who resist trusting others at every turn. Who are in denial. Who just don't have the literacy skills to communicate with others online.

It's easy and exciting to befriend guys that are fun and cute and sexual and good communicators. It's like pulling teeth to spend time around guys that are less so, the ones that are most in need of friends to listen, the ones that seem to be headed in dangerous directions. Yet I have seen guys that are so in need of support themselves offer fantastic compassion and caring to others. If they can do it, I can too. I feel small beside people like that.

What about you?
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Donkey's Forum Picture
    very impressively written as usual Nicky, the message is right too
    Posted October 27th, 2011 at 06:05 PM by Donkey Donkey is offline
  2. Old Comment
    I like this one too, Nicky. You have brought a new kid on here, which is great. He is very nice, as you have said. He loves to help people, too!
    Posted October 27th, 2011 at 07:26 PM by Jupiter Jupiter is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Thanatos's Forum Picture
    Dang you are a good writer. Anyways, nice job on helping a friend to open up and become more comfortable with others. Logan seems like a really nice kid from his posts, however you can see the little lack of self confidence in them. No reason for that, and thats where having a support system of friends, like you, really helps out.
    Posted October 27th, 2011 at 10:28 PM by Thanatos Thanatos is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Shadowin's Forum Picture
    Nicky i love you (no pun intended) you are selfless and always caring about other peoples need instead of yours. It was very nice of you to invite Logan here to have some help with people and life.
    Posted October 27th, 2011 at 10:54 PM by Shadowin Shadowin is offline
 

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